Tales from the Darkside : Top-50 Darkside Darlings

Top-50 Darkside Darlings

So we all know that this series contains its share of lovely ladies.

Well, I've decided to come up with a list of my top-50 (Click for pics), which I'd like to share with you at this time (in reverse order to build up the suspense of course)…

50) Katherine Elizabeth Neuman: Jane Branford (The Apprentice 0413)

49) Deborah Harmon: Katie Weiderman (Sorry Right Number 0409)

48) Dorothy Lyman: Catherine Daly (In the Cards 0112)

47) Maura Swanson: Jeanette Simpson (Payment Overdue 0410)

46) Ellen Winthrop: Ginger (It All Comes Out in the Wash 0120)

45) Margaret Whitton: Mary Jones (Mary Mary 0402)

44) Fredrica Duke: Sybil (Anniversary Dinner 0113)

43) Cameron Milzer: Tiffany (No Strings 0405)

42) Sarah Rush: Lara Burns (Comet Watch 0213)

41) Polly Draper: Aileen (The Grave Robber 0406)

40) Marcie Barkin: Dolores (All a Clone by the Telephone 0111)

39) Talia Balsam: Gail (The Social Climber 0319)

38) Carol Kane: Ann MacColl (Snip Snip 0114)

37) Jane Summerhays: The Devil as Doris Kramer (Let the Games Begin 0321)

36) Pamela Kenny: Janine (Going Native 0417)

35) Maria Manuche: Anna Belle (The Swap 0320)

34) Kathy McLain: Carol "Miss Kalamazoo" (The Old Soft Shoe 0218)

33) Therese Pare: Cathy Osborne (The Madness Room 0117 ) & Helen Hogan (Baker's Dozen 0309)

32) Carol Levy: Juliann Hanratty (Florence Bravo 0304)

31) Ronee Blakley: Cassie Pines (The False Prophet 0123)

30) Colleen Camp: Connie Squires (Djinn No Chaser 0110)

29) Shannon Kriska: Didi (Dream Girl 0214)

28) Patricia Tallman: Janice Perry (Family Reunion 0416)

27) Brioni Farrell: Mandy Caine (Red Leader 0316)

26) Jillie Mack: Jayne (My Ghostwriter--The Vampire 0314)

Re: Top-50 Darkside Darlings

Okay, so we're halfway. We've seen some MILFies and some semi-hotties so far, but it's about to get down to the nitty-gritty. So how about we throw in a little commentary for the rest of the countdown?

25) Carolyn Ann Clark: Jenny (The Unhappy Medium 0222)
Ain't she wondrous? If I was that preacher, I would've picked that hot body to jump into as well (and I might even fondle myself occasionally while I'm in there!)

24) Jessica Harper: Prudence (The Tear Collector 0116)
A little more smiles and a little less tears would've gotten her higher on the list. Still, the weird tear-collector dude must not be human if he didn't want to take advantage of that situation (When a hot chick is practically throwing herself at you, start working on other liquids!)

23) Susan Strasberg: Kate Collins (Effect & Cause 0211)
I'm not sure what was going on in Kate's mind during this episode (My bet is that she just needs a little TLC from The Sogger to get her all straightened out!)

22) Kerry Armstrong: Elaine Anderson Hall (Slippage 0106)
So her hubby is slipping away, and his best friend wastes no time in taking his spot. I can't say that I blame him (He was probably the one masterminding the whole thing!)

21) Nancy Travis: Laura (My Own Place 0315)
The question is: Would you boink a hot Nancy Travis while some weird Indian dude is in the room watching and getting his jollies? The answer: Hell yeah! (You take that prime grade-A tenderoni any way that you can get it!)

20) Justine Bateman: Susan "Pookie" Anderson (Mookie & Pookie 0105)
Watching this episode makes me wonder: Have twins ever gotten all freaky-deaky on one another? (If I was Mookie, I certainly would've given it one helluva shot!)

19) Kate Charleson: Brenda Hardcastle (Printer's Devil 0216)
Flat as a pancake, but when she comes out wearing nothing but his shirt all good to go, she'd make any guy's "castle" hard! (I'll just bet he was "long in the saddle" riding off into the sunset on that!)

18) Lori Cardille: Emily McCall (Florence Bravo 0304)
There's something about a hot chick who stays inside all of the time getting crazier and crazier by the minute that really turns me on! Crazy chicks bring that added kink-factor into the mix that I can really get in to. Look honey–Save all this crazy talk about me having an affair and the ghost that lives here for later. You…me…bedroom…now! Let's hump this out like rational adults!

17) Linda Thorson: Elizabeth Eaton (Auld Acquaintances 0318)
Would I do it with this hot witch in a barn, risking the chance that she might put some nasty spell on me if I didn't perform up to expectations? Just give me that chance, woman! Give me that chance!!!

16) Nile Lanning: Jennifer (Hush 0418)
Where were the hot babysitters like this when I was a kid? It's no wonder that he couldn't wait to hug her (I bet that he copped a feel a time or two as well!)

15) Patricia Pelham: Helen Tanner (A New Lease on Life 0215)
Okay, so you've got a lonely hot chick next door who can't even get water out of her own tap, and you haven't invited her to move in yet? Are you nuts? (The real question is: Are tenants allowed to boink in The St. George?)

14) Sofia Landon Geier: May Dusa (Miss May Dusa 0312)
She doesn't have beauty-queen looks, but the way she kisses and acts in this episode really gets me goin'! (In other words, I'd gladly go blind to be with her!)

13) Loren Cedar: Libby (I Can't Help Saying Goodbye 0302)
With her entire family out of the picture, I'm thinkin' that she could use some compassion and understanding from a Sogg (and whatever good fortune that might come along with it!)

12) Catherine Parks: Gina Casavin (The Casavin Curse 0224)
She can't act to save her life, but her rockin' bod makes up for it (and then some!)

11) Marcia Cross: Marie Alcott (Strange Love 0221)
Apparently, doctors know how to turn hot vampire chicks on (Damn, I knew I should've been a doctor!)

10) Haviland Morris: Sarah McBride (The Apprentice 0413)
So she goes back to the past and meets a Puritan chick who is supposed to marry the hunky-guy, and the hunk can't wait to burn her at the stake for being a witch? At least keep her around as your sex-slave! (I swear–What are these numb-skulls thinking?)

09) Kim Greist: Claire (Going Native 0417)
When a hot alien chick decides to experiment sexually, she really oughtta come to me–I would never two-time Claire! I have an expression…Losing…your…mind (whilst in the heat of passion with Sir Soggermeister of course!)

08) Begonya Plaza: Stacey (The Last Car 0219)
Why couldn't I have been on The Last Car to comfort Stacey during those awful tunnels? (I could've rocked her brains out like a cradle!)

07) Lisa Bonet: Justine Bancroft (The Satanic Piano 0206)
She would've been higher on the list without the boyish hair-do, but she's still such a little cutie anyway. Of course she's going to be the music now (I'd buy her album just to stare at her picture on the cover!)

06) Danielle Brisebois: Amanda Polo (The Yattering & Jack 0407)
The kid from All in the Family is all grown up, and what a beauty! All I can say is that if I were The Yattering, it wouldn't be Jack that I'd be after!

05) Marilyn Jones: Joan (Ursa Minor 0210)
Does anybody wonder why Ursa Minor came to this particular house? To visit the hot-MILF Joan of course!
Joan: I just found out that I'm pregnant. How is that possible since we haven't even done it lately?
Susie: Teddy did it!

04) Penelope Ann Miller: Keena (Ring Around the Redhead 0203)
So he's got this little honey-of-a-redhead alien all to himself, and he hasn't even boinked her yet? (She even flashed ya, dude–What more of an invitation do ya need?)

03) Dorothy Parke: Glenda (The Old Soft Shoe 0218)
If I ever encounter a super-hot ghostly chick like this one in a motel, she can shoot me, drown me, and do anything else she wants (as long as she takes me to heaven one time first!)

02) Donna Bullock: Linda (Parlour Floor Front 0204)
I'm all for coming after what is yours (even after you're dead), but when you come across this scrumptious babe lying alone on the bed, you gotta hit that (I don't care how dead you are!)

01) Roberta Weiss: Gail Aynsley (Inside the Closet 0107)
When I watch this episode, I try to put myself in the mind of the creature. Now I'm assuming it's a girl (since her name is Lizzie), so the first thing I would do is proclaim myself as officially a lezbo and then use this hotter-than-hot goddess as my play-toy. Sure, I may starve to death in the process (refusing to eat my food), but what a way to go! This chick is absolutely stunning! She is (without a doubt) my #1 Darkside-darling!

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Re: Top-50 Darkside Darlings

Well there soggybottom. You've come out of your shell, haven't you!
I laughed so hard (so to speak) at your descriptions of the hot babes and what you'd like to do to them.
Hope we can expect more of the same in the future!
Makes reading your marathon posts worthwhile!

Re: Top-50 Darkside Darlings

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it NZ! I thought that you'd have to watch the episodes to understand my jokes (assuming you haven't seen any since it's a 30-year-old American TV-series), but I guess I was wrong!

Hey, somebody recently uploaded all 90 episodes to YouTube, so if you're interested, you can check some of them out… Oooh, that tickles NZ!

Out of the 90, there are 31 that I really like, and I've listed those on this thread here… That's the spot NZ. Keep clicking me like that!

And here's a thread that I did recently about how we (as a group) rank all of them… Ooooh NZ, you really know how to click all the right buttons to get me goin'!

They never seem to last long on YouTube (Copyright nonsense), so watch them while you can…if you want.

If not, that's cool too–I'm just glad that you and Nimda actually read my post–It took me quite a while to do it, so it's good to see that at least 2 people read (and enjoyed) it!

Re: Top-50 Darkside Darlings

G'day mate. Aoy, fancy a copper feeler?

"That's a dumb question, Miss Glenn’s Organ."

Re: Top-50 Darkside Darlings

Sofia Landon Geier FTW

My password is password

Re: Top-50 Darkside Darlings

Yes, I absolutely loved her in that episode!