Steve Guttenberg : Dead or alive, the true story.

Dead or alive, the true story.

I swore I would never tell this story. It has been haunting me for decades. My cousin Jerry was an up and coming lawyer in the law office the Guttenberg family uses. My cousin Jerry was new to the firm, which shall go unnamed.

One night, actually midnight, I don’t know if midnight qualifies as night or as day? If you think about it there’s no sun at midnight but it is the beginning of the new day, but anyways my cousin Jerry knocked on my door. After my dog stopped barking and my wife stopped yelling, I let him in.

He was out of breath and all disheveled. I said to him, Jerry, are you back with the transvestite hookers? He told me to shut the front door. He had a story to tell me. Over the next hour he swore me to secrecy. He then told me the whole story of how Steve Guttenberg’s agent, manager and his brother Rudy came to the law firm where they did all the paper work to turn Rudy into Steve.

When my cousin Jerry left my house he begged me to say nothing. That was the last time I ever saw him. The next day he didn't show up for work and his boyfriend, yes Jerry was gay, anyways his boyfriend Fabulonio called the authorities to report him missing.

Since that night, or day whatever, I have kept this secret. I now beg all of you to keep it too. I pray for Jerry’s return. Jerry’s ex, Fabulonio moved to Sweden where he had a sex change operation and married a Swedish government official. After the Swedish official retired, Fabulonio and the retired government official went into the Swedish Fish import export business. They’re coming out with a new flavor, Lemon Herring. I can’t wait. Jerry loved Swedish Fish, especially the lemon.

Re: Dead or alive, the true story.

The question is does Steve/Rudy love Swedish Fish too?

Whatever happened to Steve? Maybe he met the same untimely ending your cousin did.

"When we make mistakes, it's evil. When God makes mistakes, it's nature."

Re: Dead or alive, the true story.

Regardless of whether this story is true or false, I'm leaning towards the latter, it was fun to read. You should write a screenplay and ask the Gutt to star in it. :-)

Re: Dead or alive, the true story.

Hmmm… I don't know about this. Okay so Jerry's ex named Fabulonio had a sex-change and still goes by the name Fabulonio. No name change with the gender change? Strange. This sounds like a fabulous story, though.