The Batman : Batman is gay

Batman is gay

And with that I mean that the whole batman franchise is gay. Everything batman is gay. The fanboys are gay. The batman universe is gay. The characters are gay.

Who in his right mind wants to see a movie about a guy walking around in a gay cape and with gay pointy ears? And gay spandex. Only Erin Grey may wear spandex.

And how boring is the whole batman series. How many batman movies do we have now? 15? 20? Always the same shit with the joker etc.

Same is true for ALL superhero movies. They are ALL the same. Some jerk with some super power fights some even bigger jerk with another super power. How many X-men movies are there now? 30? And Spiderman? 40?

Let's be honest. All those movies are the same. The makers however know that the fanboys will keep coming anyway so they make stupid super hero movie after stupid superhero movie.

Re: Batman is gay

You sure are a grumpy bastard. I would have a beer with you any day.

Re: Batman is gay

You sure are and old fart, I can smell you from here. First round is on me.

Re: Batman is gay

I guess I should change my underwear, then. It's been a week or so.

Re: Batman is gay

What do you mean "change underwear"?

Re: Batman is gay

Batman doesn't wear spandex. He wears armour. And in this, the Nolan films, and Burton films, superpowers don't exist. Superpowers have only existed in Ben Affleck's version.

I Was Just Looking For Someone Who Could See What I See, Feel What I Feel.

Re: Batman is gay

I still maintain that Affleck's rendition brought the worst movie I've ever seen:

"I've got Heat on DVD at home. We're watching this, when for less money we could be watching Robert de Niro and Al Pacino"

A mere couple of weekends past I took the gf out to the cinema. She was offered the stupendous array of merriment available at Cineworld which was Justice League, Thor or Paddington 2. She chose this; more fool her for not choosing Paddington 2. Ironically, a local ‘filmhouse’ was showing the remastered version of Heat the same night, though I realised this too late. More fool me.

Let me state my position on this splurge fest of excrement unequivocally: this is the most awful ‘movie’ I have ever seen in my life. Typically, the superhero genre is one known for pouring out gastric leakage like no other. Aside from Nolan’s Godlike TDK Trilogy, Watchmen, parts of X-Men and some of Daredevil (particularly the Punisher subplot), it’s a genre that personifies Hollywood with great aplomb: intrinsically stupid, juvenile and formulaic.

Events started off with ‘Batman’ being attacked by some sort of flying monster. You can imagine my sheer confusion here! My recent previous exposure to Batman was seeing the magnificent Christian Bale playing a grounded, troubled and ultimately human character engulfed in inner turmoil regarding his fight for the greater good. Nolan made the historically embarrassingly pathetic superhero genre believable, engaging and relevant to not only a more adult, intellectual audience; but to quite literally any able minded cinema goer. What’s going on here? Jesus wept.

And continuing this theme, for this review shall be sparse on many specific details given I can remember virtually nothing of the horrific experience, Affleck should hang his head in shame – or better yet just hang himself – for attaching himself to this monstrosity. Affleck is someone I consider capable and he has been attached to some good work. However, here he just wasn’t Batman at all – he was a pansy wearing a cape. He looked like he had gubbed a good gram of valium before setting foot on stage, which was ironic because I felt similarly after forcing myself through the experience.

There was lots of ridiculous CGI, flying pixies and monsters, and you’d be forgiven for wondering why the fuck these supposed superhero characters had been mongolised into appearing in some sort of bizarre World of Warcraft movie. There was also a magic box, but nothing really seemed to mean anything. My previous exposure to this god-awful ‘universe’ had been 30 minutes of Man of Steel, but I don’t think I missed a beat because there simply was no characterisation, plot development or anything here involving creative thought. The antagonist was some level 40 goblin, though I can’t recall anything about him or what on earth he’s meant to represent. Who was he? What does he stand for? Who fucking cares? There was absolutely no discernible plot and it felt like some sort of weird Japanese cartoon. Random events happened that seemed jumbled up with little consequence. It was like lots of little vignettes filmed by different directors who hadn’t communicated with each other. Cohesion was as lacking as quality and direction. Superman appeared and Henry Cavill’s performance was about 40 years out of date, leading nowhere.

The basic premise in a superhero movie is there’s some sort of doomsday scenario and the good guys save the day. However, I wasn’t quite clear what exactly they were trying to save here? No fictional universe seemed to exist. We briefly saw a family and that was basically it. Aside from that all we saw was the main characters and pitiful CGI nonsense. At no point did there seem to be any ramifications to the level 40 overlord winning the day. The end of the world? What world?

The only passes from me were how hot Wonder Woman is and a somewhat bad ass scene where Jason Momoa slugs a bottle of whisky and stomps off to the ocean. Slim pickings, folks. I’ll take what little pleasure I can from life. Not so long ago I watched Dunkirk in the same cinema and it was a masterful production of tightly constructed emotion, drama and mesmerising performances. To have this monstrosity airing after it just bastardised it. A masterclass of filmmaking with perfect editing, cohesion and direction. This is the polar opposite.

Nobody involved in the production of this movie could claim with any sincerity that this was intended to be in any way good. I refuse to believe that every single person was inline with its subatomic thought process. In 1967 Mel Brooks created ‘The Producers’, a movie about a play deliberately intended to be woeful. In 2017 we seem to have streamlined the process into creating the movie itself to be deliberately awful.

When I was a child there was an unfortunate chap named ‘William the Window Licker’. Frankly, I doubt he would have found this engaging enough to capture his interest. And this was a fellow who found a bus window endlessly engaging. There was an unwritten rule at school that nobody should diss William, for certain decency should be upheld. This movie reminded me of William, but I felt compelled to say my piece.

For all the progression Nolan brought the genre, these Hollywood numbskulls have regressed it beyond belief. One step forward and a thousand back. Let’s be honest, only children and the intellectually bereft will derive any enjoyment from this. As crowds were leaving the cinema a post-credits scene started. Everyone stood still to see what utter nonsense ensued. I, however, was off. I would have sooner been experimented on by Carl Vaernet than spent another second in that place.

I got the wild style, always been a foul child. My guns go "BOOM BOOM!" and yo' guns go "pow pow"

Re: Batman is gay

nolan only makes pretentious drivel.

Re: Batman is gay

Lol cool story retard

I got the wild style, always been a foul child. My guns go "BOOM BOOM!" and yo' guns go "pow pow"

Re: Batman is gay

It wasn't a story, it was a remark.

Re: Batman is gay

Yes, and I've decided to wipe my hairy arse with it and block you.

Got anything more to say, cunt?

If this doesn't evoke some sort of emotion in you you are dead.



I got the wild style, always been a foul child. My guns go "BOOM BOOM!" and yo' guns go "pow pow"

Re: Batman is gay

TMI, I don't need to know about your big fat lazy hairy ass.

Not a cunt but I've got plenty to say. nolan is to movies what modern art is to proper art (like paintings by the Dutch masters like Rembrandt): a way to pretend you are a conoisseur. Modern arts is as ugly and as stupid as it comes; a big shapless lump of clay called 'Mother and child' or a 'painting' that completely red. Or blue. Or yellow. And dumb people will look at it this pretentious drivel and say that I see what the creator meant and how the appreciate the hidden deeper layer and bullshit like that.

Same with nolan and his movies. They all suck. You need to watch them 5 times and constantly pause to give yourself time to think what the f*ck is going on, if something is real or not and then write out a timeline to try to understand the whole story.

Morons like you will defend nolan whatever he makes and pretend it's awesome what he does, thereby implying that you are one of the people smart enough to understand nolan, which is bullshit as his stories just make no sense.

It's exactly what I said: pretentious drivel. It's like a piece of music that's got 30 extremely complicated chord progressions in it (wow! impressive) but the song sucks monkey bollocks. nolan is an overrated dimwit.

Re: Batman is gay

The only passes from me were how hot Wonder Woman is and a somewhat bad ass scene where Jason Momoa slugs a bottle of whisky and stomps off to the ocean

Watch the Snyder Cut. Snyder uses a better song choice when Aquaman takes his walk toward the ocean signifying a lonely, isolated Aquaman as opposed to Joss Whedon's song choice which says "I'm a badass."

There's also a chant the townspeople sing in honour of Aquaman, who they consider their god. Great stuff.

Ben Affleck wasn't all bad, he was just in the shittiest universe. Ben Affleck would have been ideal for Nolan's Batman. He's got the chin. Bale doesn't.

I want there to to be two separate universes. The Justice Leage-verse and Batman solo, the latter being like The Batman.

I'm not a fan of PG-13 fantasy superhero films. I stay away from Marvel and Wonder Woman and Aquaman and Shazaam. Not my thing. The only time the fantasy aspect is appealing is when Zack Snyder or James Gunn does them: in other words, Rated R, funny and/or graphically violent. Otherwise I do not want to waste my time with a PG-13 superhero universe. PG-13 is ok only when they're like The Batman, Burton's two films, and Nolan's.

I Was Just Looking For Someone Who Could See What I See, Feel What I Feel.

Re: Batman is gay

My recent previous exposure to Batman was seeing the magnificent Christian Bale playing a grounded, troubled and ultimately human character engulfed in inner turmoil regarding his fight for the greater good. Nolan made the historically embarrassingly pathetic superhero genre believable, engaging and relevant to not only a more adult, intellectual audience; but to quite literally any able minded cinema goer.
Most of what you said there was beautiful. I don't know I would agree so much about embarrassing and pathetic. Before Nolan's trilogy superhero movies were very much grounded in the past. The old comic book versions. There was something innocent about them. Imagine a time when a comic's core audience was kids. So the movies more or less followed the same suite. I myself prefer my superheros flawed and darker. It makes them more interesting and relatable to me. But having said that we also have Marvel movies with a hell of a lot of heart but don't sacrifice the more "adult" aspects which I enjoy also. I am not going to fault anyone if they like movies pre or post Nolen and I sure as hell don't want to get into a DC vs Marvel argument. And I wont try to change yours or anyone's mind about Man of Steel which I personally loved. I think a lot would agree Batman vs Superman sucked and so did Justice League before the Snyder cut. But if people enjoyed them I wont take that away from them. There are too many movies to choose from and a us vs them mentality on superhero films just ends up going round and round. I am going to quote this too
For all the progression Nolan brought the genre, these Hollywood numbskulls have regressed it beyond belief. One step forward and a thousand back.
I feel like that comes from DC trying to compete with Marvel. Lets be honest. Marvel just does it better with the exception of a few DC movies. I don't understand how DC can make such decent TV shows and fail so spectacularly with movies. I blame it on people who just don't get the source material. If there is no love for it in the first place the movies reflect that. I personally lean towards Marvel but have dear friends that lean towards DC and we still love each other lol It does not hurt me one bit if they enjoy something I didn't and vice versa. And sometimes we like the same thing too 😛

Re: Batman is gay

Batman is perhaps one of the most mundane and dry of the superheros.

I wouldn't sit through this torture fest if I had the best seat in the house and a free bucket of popcorn and coke.

Norman! What did you put in my tea?

Re: Batman is gay

Batman is perhaps one of the most mundane and dry of the superheros.

That's because you're comparing him to superpowered heroes.

Instead, you should be comparing him to Jason Bourne, James Bond, Paul Kersey, John Rambo, and John McClane. When you do that, it makes him the most interesting. He does what they do except he wears a cool bat suit!



I Was Just Looking For Someone Who Could See What I See, Feel What I Feel.

Re: Batman is gay

All of those you mentioned are more interesting than Batman and yet they are not from the comic book realm, so yeah, Batman has some serious personality issues.

Norman! What did you put in my tea?

Re: Batman is gay

"he wears a cool bat suit", hahaha, you misspelled gay.

Re: Batman is gay

GrumpyBastard, I agree with every grumpy thing you've said in that post. Grump must be contagious.

Re: Batman is gay

It's a way of life my Padawan.

Re: Batman is gay

Calls Batman gay, yet uses prequel words like Padawan. The prequels were gay and Anakin was a whiny homo in all three of them.

Re: Batman is gay

Superhero movies were actually cool in the 70s 80s and 90. Then there was a brief resurgence in the early 2000s with Raimi’s Spiderman and Bryan Singer’s X-men movies. Everything after that has been shit though. Nolan’s “Dark Knight” is one or the worst big budget tent pole movies of all time, and basically heralded the death of the blockbuster.

Re: Batman is gay

Oh, pllllllease!!

Spiderman was only watchable because of Dunst's legs.

X-men sucks harder than a 14 year old Thai hooker (so I'm told). All these freaks with 'special powers'. Especially that bold fucker, Magneto?, can't stand him, is that Picard again (horrible actor)? The storylines are ridiculous,

DOWN WITH THE SUPERHEROES !!

Re: Batman is gay

DOWN WITH THE SUPERHEROES !!

Go GrumpyBastard!

Re: Batman is gay

You 205aggot.

Re: Batman is gay

What's a "waggit"?

Re: Batman is gay

It rhymes with faggot, in which you are one, you retarded piece of crap.

Re: Batman is gay

My bad. I thought you suffered a stroke. I was going to ask if you were okay but now I see you're just a dick.

Re: Batman is gay

Just like you’re being a faggot.

Re: Batman is gay

Did you mean to type that or where you trying to rhyme it with something equally as stupid?

Re: Batman is gay

No, but you are being an idiot.

Re: Batman is gay

Nah, idiocy is clearly your specialty.

Re: Batman is gay

Nah, idiocy is clearly your specialty.

Re: Batman is gay

Idiocy and unoriginality. Add those to your resume, you muppet.

Re: Batman is gay

Idiocy and unoriginality. Add those to your resume, you muppet.

Re: Batman is gay

I see you've decided to reacquaint yourself with copy and paste. Did you want to take this back over to the Drew Barrymore forum or duke it out here? Maybe you won't flake out as easily as you did last time.

Re: Batman is gay

I see you've decided to reacquaint yourself with copy and paste. Did you want to take this back over to the Drew Barrymore forum or duke it out here? Maybe you won't flake out as easily as you did last time.

Re: Batman is gay

Did you want to take this back over to the Drew Barrymore forum or duke it out here? Maybe you won't flake out as easily as you did last time.

So you just want to fight with me for no serious reason at all? I see, you pussy. I haven’t even done anything wrong to you.

Re: Batman is gay

So you just want to fight with me for no serious reason at all? I see, you pussy. I haven’t even done anything wrong to you.

Are you threatened? Copy and paste is as easy as pie.

Re: Batman is gay

You’re the one threatening me you motherfucker.

Re: Batman is gay

You must be easily frightened.

Re: Batman is gay

Easily frightened? Cowardly talk from some shithead behind a computer. If I see you, I would beat the living shit out of you with a bat, until you are deceased. Keep on fucking with me behind a computer screen, you coward.

You must really dislike me for no apparent reason.

Re: Batman is gay

Easily frightened and super defensive. If I saw you, I'd tell you to grow a pair and to stop being a petulant little bitch. I'd then walk away and leave you to stand in your puddle of drool. Keep on fussing about arguments that you start, you silly little muppet.

I don't dislike you. I just don't understand why you continue to dish out what you can't handle. If you're cool, I'm cool

Re: Batman is gay

Well don’t call me a “muppet” then.

Re: Batman is gay

Don't call me a "loser".

Re: Batman is gay

Ok, whatever. My bad.

Re: Batman is gay

Apology accepted….I suppose. Care for a beer?

Re: Batman is gay

um, no.

Re: Batman is gay

Good because I don't have any.

Re: Batman is gay

so why did you ask me if i care for a beer in the first place?

you dont even make sense, doofus.

also, I dont even drink beer anyways.
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