North & South : OT: LET'S STOP + SMELL THE ROSES…
Re: Daughter to Dad - TEXTING
Reply |
Awww.too cute! I'd be kinda worried if he was thankful for "suffering"
Re: Daughter to Dad - TEXTING
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I know! And we were all surprised that the aide didn't bring Isaac's comment to the teacher's or Tim & Shelley's attention. As a teacher, Shelley said that alarm bells would have gone off in her head had it happened in her class, although she's thankful the comment had not gone viral in the school and beyond. Misinformation, though explained, can often leave a lingering impression.
Awww.too cute! I'd be kinda worried if he was thankful for "suffering"
Re: Church Bulletins
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I cant remember if I have posted these before. I just found it in an old email and they made me laugh again.
These bulletins appeared in church notices or were announced in church
services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care
much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
These bulletins appeared in church notices or were announced in church
services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care
much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Re: Church Bulletins
Reply |
I have a few favourites!
Wonderful way to start off the New Year, Laura. Thanks for the smiles and the giggles.
Wonderful way to start off the New Year, Laura. Thanks for the smiles and the giggles.
Re: More Church Bulletin Bloopers
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I think the last one is my favourite.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.
The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.
The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle.
The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew.
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of the new carpet. All those wishing to to do something on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.
The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.
The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle.
The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew.
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of the new carpet. All those wishing to to do something on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Re: More Church Bulletin Bloopers
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I love these Laura! "Both ends" one (third from the bottom) is my favourite! They are all hilarious!
Re: Funny Motor Insurance Claims
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Some genuine motor insurance claims forms gaffes.
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.."
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."
"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."
"I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.."
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."
"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."
"I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."
Re: Funny Motor Insurance Claims
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Ha! Love these.
People actually wrote this stuff?? Thanks, Laura.
People actually wrote this stuff?? Thanks, Laura.
Re: Funny Motor Insurance Claims
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I'm pleased it gave you a laugh. There was a comedian in the UK called Jasper Carrott who told a lot of these years ago. They are genuine apparently.
Re: Funny Motor Insurance Claims
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These are actually genuine? Gosh!
Thanks for a laugh this morning, Laura.
Thanks for a laugh this morning, Laura.
Re: Funny Quiz Answers
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All genuine answers given on quiz shows in Britain. We're not all this bad, honest. I think the last one is my favourite.
~
Presenter: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Presenter: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester
Presenter: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
Presenter: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm
Presenter: Correct And if you're not weak, you're?
Contestant: Strong.
Presenter: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis
Presenter: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
Presenter: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France.
Presenter: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Presenter: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Presenter: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
Presenter: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
Presenter: What is the nationality of the Pope?
Contestant: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
Presenter: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
Presenter: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Presenter: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
Presenter: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant: Forrest Gump.
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .
Presenter: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific.
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Presenter: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?
Presenter: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ER. ER Three?
Presenter: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Contestant: Japan.
Presenter: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Contestant: Er .. Mexico ?
Presenter: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant: (long pause) Fourteen days.
Presenter: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Presenter: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Presenter: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.
Presenter: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. ..
Presenter: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Presenter: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..
Contestant: (Silence)
Presenter: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?
Presenter: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.
Presenter: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging
character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus
~
Presenter: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Presenter: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester
Presenter: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
Presenter: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm
Presenter: Correct And if you're not weak, you're?
Contestant: Strong.
Presenter: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis
Presenter: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
Presenter: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France.
Presenter: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Presenter: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Presenter: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
Presenter: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
Presenter: What is the nationality of the Pope?
Contestant: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
Presenter: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
Presenter: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Presenter: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
Presenter: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant: Forrest Gump.
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .
Presenter: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific.
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Presenter: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?
Presenter: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ER. ER Three?
Presenter: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Contestant: Japan.
Presenter: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Contestant: Er .. Mexico ?
Presenter: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant: (long pause) Fourteen days.
Presenter: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Presenter: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Presenter: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.
Presenter: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. ..
Presenter: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Presenter: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..
Contestant: (Silence)
Presenter: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?
Presenter: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.
Presenter: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging
character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus
Re: Funny Quiz Answers
Reply |
Oh Laura, some of those are a riot! Yep, I think that last one might just be the best. !!!
Re: Funny Quiz Answers
Reply |
Glad you liked them Alfa. I rediscovered it in my emails and thought I would share.
Husband fails
Reply |
One of my favs among the many listed from the site below: http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/funny-husband-fails-helping-wives-4-57396e115961e__605.jpg
"20+ Reasons Why Husbands Cant Be Trusted": http://www.boredpanda.com/funny-husband-fails-helping-wives/
"20+ Reasons Why Husbands Cant Be Trusted": http://www.boredpanda.com/funny-husband-fails-helping-wives/
Re: Husband fails
Reply |
One of my favs among the many listed from the site below: http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/funny-husband-fails-helping-wives-4-57396e115961e__605.jpg
Very true.
"20+ Reasons Why Husbands Cant Be Trusted": http://www.boredpanda.com/funny-husband-fails-helping-wives/
Those were hilarious. Thanks for posting Lois.
Re: Husband fails
Reply |
Thanks for those, Lois! Very funny and a little too close to real life (well a few of them) to share with my husband!
Re: OT: LET'S STOP + SMELL THE ROSES…
Reply |
I know I should have posted this on the HT thread but let me do so now.
I just came across this: http://mashable.com/2015/10/22/rich-mccor-photography-paper-cutouts/?utm_cid=mash-com-pin-link#XDjKz2a3gkqH
So brilliantly clever!! Love them!
There's plenty more over at the photographer's Instagram acct: https://www.instagram.com/paperboyo/
I just came across this: http://mashable.com/2015/10/22/rich-mccor-photography-paper-cutouts/?utm_cid=mash-com-pin-link#XDjKz2a3gkqH
So brilliantly clever!! Love them!
There's plenty more over at the photographer's Instagram acct: https://www.instagram.com/paperboyo/
Re: OT: LET'S STOP + SMELL THE ROSES…
Reply |
Those are great and so clever. Thanks for posting lois.
Re: OT: LET'S STOP + SMELL THE ROSES…
Reply |
Wow - those are excellent. The one with the wrench and the skyline on instagram is probably my favourite!
After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.
After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.
Re: OT: LET'S STOP + SMELL THE ROSES…
Reply |
Mine too!
The one with the wrench and the skyline on instagram is probably my favourite!
Re: Four Year Olds Say the Cutest Things
My daughter-in-law Shelley told us a cute story this thanksgiving:
At parent-night at her four year old son Isaac's pre-school class, she viewed the Thanksgiving Turkey on the class bulletin board. The turkey's 'tail feathers' were drawn and cut by the children and contained a few words spoken by the little ones about things they are thankful for. Of course, the teacher, or in this case, the teacher's aide wrote down what the children said.
Isaac's 'feather' read: "Isaac is thankful for video games and suffering".
A bit perturbed by this, since he has been quite ill before being diagnosed with asthma, Shelley tried to get to the bottom of his thoughts.
"So, Isaac, can we talk about what you said you were thankful foron your feather?"
"There's nothing to talk about really." (he's like a little adult).
"Well, I understand the part about the video games, since you like to play games with your Uncle Chrisbut can you talk about why you're thankful for suffering?"
"I didn't say, 'sufwing'I said 'sufwing'you know, on a suf board."