Poldark : How could Poldark have left Demelza?

How could Poldark have left Demelza?

He was wavering about what to do and Elizabeth wanted him to choose her, but really how would that work? Would he live alongside his (legal) wife and child? What would his people think of that? How could either one live with that? It was not a real option imho.

However, I wish he would have done so because then Demelza can assume her position of heroine. I'd love to see her exist with her husband and lover next door.

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

Just watched that ep. Tonight seriously HATING Ross now!

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

Same here. I can't believe he did that.

If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now.-Loki (Marvel's Avengers)

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irish -- I lost all respect for Ross over him thinking with his little head. He had a beautiful woman who worshipped him in Demelza, and he threw it all away for one moment of passion with that fragile little bird Elizabeth (whom I never thought was very attractive).

Once trust is lost, it may never be completely restored. I feel sorry for Demelza.

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You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU ... WILL ... ATONE!

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that fragile little bird Elizabeth


She really is rather pathetic, isn't she? If she and Demelza were the only main female characters in this saga I could excuse her utter lack of spirit and independence as an unavoidable and insurmountable byproduct of her status as a gentle born woman. But the presence of both Verity and Caroline, two women of her same class and manner of upbringing, just blows that reasoning out the window. Verity and Caroline both demonstrate the courage to pursue the lives they want even though it may cost them. Verity's grab for happiness is even more astounding considering how much the rest of the Trenwith Poldarks seemed intent on treating her as little better than a glorified servant. Elizabeth lacks that and is therefore far less attractive as a character. No wonder Eleanor wasn't interested in playing her despite saying that the Powers That Be in the show originally wanted her to read for that part.

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(whom I never thought was very attractive).



that's probably harsh...but yeah, he screwed up...seemed to snatch defeat from jaws of victory, while standing on brink of eternal bliss with a soul-mate he stumbled over originally and took in as a woman in distress, he turns around and pulls a rum move like that, all because delicate precious little Liz must not be allowed to trick herself out in desperation to that warped and warped-looking *beep* big bad George..

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Irish, Ross is a fecking idiot...

Boy if I could, I would seriously kick his arse. And kick Lizzie's arse also.

When Dem socked him, I shouted for joy. Now she needs to pay a lil visit to Elizabeth...

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

I'm not as angry at Ross as everyone else is, perhaps because I can relate to what he's going through and what Elizabeth is going through, too. I'd prefer not to go into the details of why I can relate. I never did anything like they did and didn't have exactly the same circumstances in my life, but let me just say pining for someone you can never have can be really consuming. I'll let it go at that. Except to reiterate what Debbie said about Ross and Demelza. They're human. They make mistakes. They even do bad things sometimes. And there's not a perfect person in this entire series (well, Verity may be), which is what makes it so interesting.

BTW, the show I was obsessed with just before Poldark came back was Gran Hotel, a Spanish show that actually had some similarities with Poldark although it took place from 1905 to 1907. The interesting thing about Gran Hotel was there wasn't one perfect person in that show. They all had their faults, including the two main lovers. But you still cared about them and wanted them together. Which is the same way I feel about Ross and Demelza. By the end of Gran Hotel, I felt like I knew all the people in it, well, the main characters anyway, and I feel the same about everyone in Poldark.

And let me just quote from another show I was obsessed with long before either of these: Quantum Leap. At this point, I can hardly remember what was going on, but I do remember this line Sam Beckett said, and it makes a lot of sense, especially for this season of Poldark: "Even heroes are human."

Just my two cents.


"How was the war, sir?"
"As any war, ma'am, a waste of good men." (Poldark)

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

I'm an episode behind and don't know if this affects my answer.

Ross and Elizabeth had unfinished business when he returned from the revolution. She married Francis for what she thought would be greater financial security and a less emotional relationship, although I don't think she was really aware of the latter reason.

From anyone's perspective Ross would have been a more exciting partner. He is essentially fearless in the face of adversity and far more adaptable than Francis. However, Elizabeth wouldn't have been able to handle his rebelliousness against the values of the class both were born to and would not have cooked or done housework on a daily basis as Demelza did. She would have resented having to do so even in the face of necessity. She wouldn't have been able to adapt to the financial ups and downs of being married to Ross. She might have been afraid of her own feelings for him, knowing that many (if not most) husbands were routinely unfaithful.

In the original series Margaret, the prostitute Ross goes to in an early episode, tells him something like "Some men are meant to wander, others not. When you find your lady, you'll stick to her." She was right. Ross lapses the one time with Elizabeth due to an extraordinary turn of events but never again.

When Elizabeth finally marries George Ross realizes that she would not have ever been the right wife for himself. However, I don't think he really wastes any time thinking about what might have been if he hadn't gone to war or his father hadn't dissipated his future inheritance.

The Fabio Principle: Puffy shirts look best on men who look even better without them.

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True. Though not perfect, Ross is a man of principle and actually pretty pragmatic. He does what needs to be done most of the time, and he doesn't seem to waste a lot of time brooding over what might have been, at least not since the first episode.


"How was the war, sir?"
"As any war, ma'am, a waste of good men." (Poldark)

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I'm not as angry at Ross as everyone else is, perhaps because I can relate to what he's going through


I agree. I've had things in my life that were far from perfect. Sometimes things have to go the wrong way in order for it to be redirected the right way. I'm on Demelza's end of things though. So it takes alot of work to get that trust back, but it is possible, and definitely worth it.

Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

Uh, lets be fully honest here and account for Elizabeth's bad behavior too shall we?

It's not like she thought Ross is single.

I found Elizabeth's behavior PARTICULARLY bad given that Demelza gave up her FIRST BORN CHILD to SAVE Elizabeth, Francis, and their boby boy.

THIS is the thanks she gets from Elizabeth? Elizabeth poaching her husband?

Elizabeth is pretty, but that only goes so far. I lost all respect for her character after she slept with Ross.

I can't believe she even would consider marrying George. But I guess those two are made for one another. Both money hungry, nasty people.

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I agree! And really, it almost seemed like she was trying to get him to try something the way she stood there in her night rail without any attempt to really cover up. Everyone seems so mad at Ross, but I do feel sure that if she had really wanted him to stop, he would have. And she should have made him stop. OTOH, like I said above, there's this issue they had between them of long standing, and emotions were powerful that night. I'm not excusing it, but I do understand it at least a little.


"How was the war, sir?"
"As any war, ma'am, a waste of good men." (Poldark)

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

Maybe if you binge watch this do you get this impression, but my overall impression if Elizabeth set the whole thing up. Even Demelza suggests Elizabeth never had any intention of marrying George and did it so Ross would do exactly what he did.

The reason I feel that way is Elizabeth tried two previous times to lure Ross to her side. First she sent a note and she was put out because he didn't come running when she snapped her fingers. So she goes over to his home wanting to see him only Demelza tells her he's out of town. So she agrees to marry George and then writes a letter and the expression on her puss just says it all. The spider is laying the trap for her fly. She knows how Ross feels about George and she knows that will bring him to her side.

Then there's the actual scene when Ross breaks down the door and she's sitting in front of the mirror primping and making sure she hasn't got a hair out of place. Then she unlocks the door instead of locking it. Then when he comes in her room she continues to provoke him verbally.

On Ross's side, I don't really think he screwed her because they had unfinished business with each other. He'd resisted her lure up til now and would have continued to resist. What he did was more about George Warleggan than his infatuation with the Queen of Perfection. It just felt the same way as when he led the siege of George's ship to strip it of all its goods. He even says she could marry 30 men, just not George Warleggan.

Ross, as we see the way he is with Demelza in the aftermath, is completely un-self aware emotionally. He thought she should understand what he did from his perspective. But when she turns the tables on him and makes him think she did what he did he's outraged at the thought. How could you!

I did get a good laugh at Elizabeth waiting anxiously for him to return to her after presumably dumping his wife and child for her. She really believed that was going to happen, and she was right in thinking that. After finally having the woman he's longed for, forever, he should have wanted to be with her, forever, only he didn't. He went running back to his wife thinking they could just forget this ever happened and act like things are normal between them. Elizabeth pretty much did the same thing when Francis cheated on her. Only he forgot he didn't marry someone like Elizabeth, he married someone from the lower classes and in the lower classes they don't put up with stuff like that. They punch you in the face and make you sleep on a cot in the library and want nothing to do with you.

It's why I say what Ross did was more about George than Elizabeth. If the thought of Elizabeth marrying George finally made him give into his feelings for her then he should have gone home and told Demelza he loved Elizabeth and that he was leaving her. Instead, he probably would have snuck out without even saying goodbye to Elizabeth and gone home to his wife. In his own passive way he chose who he wanted. After all, he could have stopped the wedding but did nothing to stop her from marrying George. Kind of says it all.

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What he did was more about George Warleggan than his infatuation with the Queen of Perfection. It just felt the same way as when he led the siege of George's ship to strip it of all its goods. He even says she could marry 30 men, just not George Warleggan.


I do agree with this. If Elizabeth had sent a letter saying she was marrying Joe Blow from the next estate over, the VBT never would've happened.

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He even says she could marry 30 men

Not 30 men, but any one of 30 men. 😀
I agree with the rest of your post.

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And Elizabeth knew that. She knew just which of his buttons to push. Just like she whispers at the dinner table how Ross would always have a piece of her heart like she knows she'd always have a piece of his heart. She's a master at playing him like a fiddle.

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Maybe if you binge watch this do you get this impression, but my overall impression if Elizabeth set the whole thing up.
I kinda feel that way too. Knowing how Ross would react when she tells him that she's marrying George, I sorta do thing she expected him to come charging at her. That's why she was so unfazed by the ruckus he was causing in breaking down the Trenwith door and bounding up those stairs to her room.

I did get a good laugh at Elizabeth waiting anxiously for him to return to her after presumably dumping his wife and child for her. She really believed that was going to happen, ...
I found it funny as well. I really don't know how she could have even thought it unless she only saw Demelza as the scullery maid and nothing more. She didn't respect Demelza for the wife and woman she was to Ross just like George (and the rest of polished society), Aunt Agatha, and even Ross himself.

What he did was more about George Warleggan than his infatuation with the Queen of Perfection. ... He even says she could marry 30 men, just not George Warleggan. ... It's why I say what Ross did was more about George than Elizabeth.
Yes, I agree, IveGotASecret.

George kept trying to take away everything from him including his own life and up until now he seemed to be winning what with the business of Wheal Leisure. But when he moves to steal Elizabeth too, knowing very well that George was only doing it to hurt Ross, that was just the last straw. But what Ross doesn't realize at the time is that "protecting" Elizabeth from George's evil grasp will come at a price. Even so, in the end, if the baby is indeed his, he would have ultimately won over George. And as horrible as it is for all parties involved, it would be best payback of all.

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I found it funny as well. I really don't know how she could have even thought it unless she only saw Demelza as the scullery maid and nothing more. She didn't respect Demelza for the wife and woman she was to Ross just like George (and the rest of polished society), Aunt Agatha, and even Ross himself.


Well, the thing is Ross had been putting her before Demelza and his own child since the needy sponge needed him after Francis' death. That's why when she sent her note to Ross, she couldn't believe he didn't respond to her and drop everything. Little did she know he'd never gotten the note. Had he, he would probably have gone running to her, again. Now that they'd had sex, she thought the deal was signed, sealed and delivered. Why else have sex with her to stop her from marrying George if he wasn't going to leave his wife for her.

And as much as I loathe Elizabeth, he never said to her, "This was a big mistake" as he stutters a few lines and let's her think he'll be back. Just like he doesn't say he's sorry to Demelza, beg forgiveness and say he loves her.

It's kind of why I like the aftermath in the original version better. After Ross does the deed he's lying in bed with Elizabeth as far away from her as he can get and his body language and facial expression is like he already regrets what he did right after it happened. I also loved Demelza's line to Ross when he's convinced she cheated on him and she tells him she didn't. She tells him "I'm better than you!"

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Well, the thing is Ross had been putting her before Demelza and his own child since the needy sponge needed him after Francis' death. That's why when she sent her note to Ross, she couldn't believe he didn't respond to her and drop everything. Little did she know he'd never gotten the note. Had he, he would probably have gone running to her, again. Now that they'd had sex, she thought the deal was signed, sealed and delivered. Why else have sex with her to stop her from marrying George if he wasn't going to leave his wife for her.
Oh, I understood the position E was in, IGAS. I just also think that it came from a place where there was no respect for Ross's wife because she was merely a scullery maid first and foremost; and so (in their minds anyway), he could leave D for herself and no one would bat an eyelid because it was almost what was expected to happen anyway(!) by everyone around her.

And as much as I loathe Elizabeth, he never said to her, "This was a big mistake" as he stutters a few lines and let's her think he'll be back. Just like he doesn't say he's sorry to Demelza, beg forgiveness and say he loves her.
I think there is some regret about his actions in that scene as he's leaving E. I did get the sense that he regrets their tryst but will not admit it to anyone even himself.

I think it isn't in his character to admit any wrong-doing on his part in anything he's involved in or with. That's what bothers D about this whole thing with E and everything else that Ross is involved in like the smuggling runs. He doesn't understand the consequences of his actions on any of the people involved (directly or indirectly), let alone talk about it (as she tells Verity).

There is a moment when E sees him on his horse outside Trenwith; so he did return. But had it not been for the thrashing he got from D, what exactly he would have said we will never know now. And he really had to fight his emotions not to continue on ahead down that drive.


I also loved Demelza's line to Ross when he's convinced she cheated on him and she tells him she didn't. She tells him "I'm better than you!"
I thought she said something to that effect in that speech she made to Ross about how she valued and respected him and put him on the pedestal...that's why his fall was greater... etc etc. Can't remember the exact words now. She does say something like "it is not my pride that is hurt, Ross; it is my pride in you."

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Oh, I understood the position E was in, IGAS. I just also think that it came from a place where there was no respect for Ross's wife because she was merely a scullery maid first and foremost; and so, he could leave D for herself and no one would bat an eyelid because it was almost what was expected to happen anyway(!) by everyone around her - certainly, in their minds anyway.


I think they all think it's just a matter of time before Ross dumps Demelza and goes back to his own kind. I think there's a scene in the finale where it shows exactly how Elizabeth views Demelza. Demelza comes to warn George and Elizabeth a lynch mob is coming for them and Elizabeth asks if Ross sent her.

So, she thinks after Ross cheated on Demelza with Elizabeth he would send his betrayed wife over to warn her she was in danger. No doubt because she sees Demelza as a servant to be treated as such and feels Ross sees her the same way.

But the interesting thing is if you compare Ross's first time with Demelza to his first time with Elizabeth, it's Elizabeth he treats like the scullery maid to have her skirts tossed up for a rut, while he treated Demelza like the lady.


I think there is some regret about his actions in that scene as he's leaving E. I did get the sense that he regrets their tryst but will not admit it to anyone but himself.


Oh, that's a given. He was getting dressed and if she hadn't woken up when she did I think he would have left without even saying a word to her. As it was he kept detracting her attempts to get him to tell her what's next. She's pretty clueless cause she should have gotten a clue by his behavior. He couldn't wait to get away from her. He crept out of bed while she was still sleeping, instead of cuddling up to her and be all romantic in the morning.


There is a moment when E sees him on his horse outside Trentwith; so I do believe he would have come back (had it not been for the thrashing he got from D) - what exactly he would have said we will never know now. But he did return and really had to fight his emotions not to continue on ahead down that drive.


I think Ross only went over there because Dwight had just told him that Elizabeth fainted. The old pull to rush to her and take care of her got him, but then he fought it off because he knew if Demelza found out any chance he had with her would be gone.


I think it isn't in his character to admit any wrong-doing on his part in anything he's involved in. That's what bothers D about this whole thing and everything else when it comes to Ross...that he doesn't talk/understand the consequences of his actions to any of the parties involved (as she tells Verity).


Especially when Demelza was honest and admitted she had helped Verity get together with Blamey and Ross piled even more guilt on her by saying it was her fault Frances betrayed him and the smelting company failed. He showed her no understanding even though what she did was so Verity could be happy, instead of being treated like an indentured servant for the rest of her life. She asked him if she had ruined everything between them and he was pretty cold and unforgiving to her. Ironically, it may be the guilt trip Ross laid on her that motivated her to go to Trenwith to try and make amends, which caused Julia's death. Ross was still being cold and angry to her until she got sick and almost died.

I wish they would have handled it the way Book Ross did. He was mad just like Show Ross, but when Demelza started crying he reasoned the whole thing might have happened anyway and softened his anger towards her.

Back to the show, Demelza owned up to what she did and took the consequences and it must be particularly galling for him to expect her to see things from his perspective and to make the allowances for him that he wouldn't make or her and what she did was to help someone. It's not even the same thing. And she took his anger, but he thinks she shouldn't blame him for his behavior.


I thought she said something to that effect in that speech she made to Ross about how she valued and respected him and put him on the pedestal...that's why his fall was greater... etc etc. Can't remember the exact words now.



Oh, yeah, I remember that scene. He suggests she's angry because her pride is hurt because he screwed another woman. She replies her pride in him has been hurt. That she thought she was so lucky to have a man such as him to want to marry her. That he was noble of character. That she thought he was so much better than other men, when he's so much lower than other men and has fallen so low.

I also liked her speech in the finale about her being fierce and proud and steadfast and true and won't settle for being second best. I do wonder if Frances' final words to her about thinking she wasn't as good as they were stuck with her and not to sell herself short. If anything good came out of this mess it was Demelza seeing Ross and Elizabeth weren't better than her and to stop feeling inferior to them.

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Sorry to have edited my previous post in the last hour or so before your latest reply, IGAS.

I agree with all you've said here.

Oh, yeah, I remember that scene. He suggests she's angry because her pride is hurt because he screwed another woman. She replies her pride in him has been hurt. That she thought she was so lucky to have a man such as him to want to marry her. That he was noble of character. That she thought he was so much better than other men, when he's so much lower than other men and has fallen so low.
That's it!


I do wonder if Frances' final words to her about thinking she wasn't as good as they were stuck with her and not to sell herself short.
Oh! I didn't think that but now that you've said it, yes, I too wonder and hope that it was Francis's words that gave her the confidence to take a stand with Ross.


If anything good came out of this mess it was Demelza seeing Ross and Elizabeth weren't better than her and to stop feeling inferior to them.
You are right; absolutely!

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He was wavering about what to do and Elizabeth wanted him to choose her, but really how would that work? Would he live alongside his (legal) wife and child? What would his people think of that? How could either one live with that? It was not a real option imho.
I think there is some sort of bigamy law to prevent this from happening but I think there might have been ways to bypass it.

You may also find this link interesting Ann: http://www.historyextra.com/article/premium/survivors-guide-georgian-marriage

2) Keep to your class
Flaunting a lower-class mistress was preferable to marrying outside of one’s social sphere

...

Although well-to-do men kept lower-class mistresses without censure, they faced criticism and were even shunned if they married beneath them. In 1810 Nelly Weeton was a governess in the Lake District. Her employer, Mr Pedder, had married his dairymaid after the death of his first wife. This led Nelly to confide in an unmarried friend: “If you knew the sorrow that a person must undergo who marries above herself, you would never be ambitious to marry out of your own rank”.

William Holland, vicar at Over Stowey in Somerset, frowned upon any of the lower classes who did not show due deference towards their betters.

...

9) Prepare for death or desertion
The loss of a partner could drive families into the workhouse

It could be devastating for men or women to be widowed and to be left with numerous children; the most practical step was to find another partner as quickly as possible. There was no stigma to remarrying soon after the death of a spouse, although a formal period of mourning was starting to become fashionable.

Apart from death, women especially could suffer from the loss of a husband if he deserted her or was imprisoned or transported for some criminal offence. During this era of prolonged warfare, many married men were also lured into the army or forced into the navy by the press-gang. These abandoned wives were not only prevented from remarrying or having more legitimate children, but they could become destitute and driven into the workhouse.


And this one as well: http://alinakfield.com/10-facts-about-marriage-and-divorce-in-historical-england/

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?


He was wavering about what to do and Elizabeth wanted him to choose her, but really how would that work? Would he live alongside his (legal) wife and child? What would his people think of that? How could either one live with that? It was not a real option imho.


See, I don't think it was ever a thought in Ross's head to leave Demelza for Elizabeth. Elizabeth waved a red flag under Ross's nose and like a bull he charged without a thought for the destruction and consequences to his actions. Even when he was screwing her brains out I don't think there was a thought in his head to ever make it more than a one night stand. When his brain started working again he couldn't get home fast enough and his whole attitude was like, "Let's pretend this never happened."

As for Elizabeth, I guess like Agatha she just wanted some man to take care of her, even if he could never marry her and was dirt poor to boot and couldn't keep her in the lifestyle she was accustomed to. I have no idea what kind of fantasy this nitwit had going on in her empty head, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the reality of the situation. And the reality was this:

1. At that point Ross was dirt poor, his mine had just collapsed and he was selling things off. He also had debts up to the eyeballs and if he didn't pay them off he could end up in debtors prison.

2. At any time George could have thrown her out of Trenwith, since he basically owned the place and was letting her stay there because he was trying to lure her into marrying him. If she dumped him and got together with Ross, he would have done just that. Which means she would have had to go and live at Nampara. She thought she was living in poverty at Trenwith. Can anyone really see her working in the fields or having to cook dinner. I mean, look at her reaction at the thought of having to care for her invalid mother? Since it was Demelza who was going out on the water and fishing and baking the meals wouldn't have been good anymore, either. Or all the other stuff Demelza did to keep them going. To make money to support his new family, Ross would have probably gone back to smuggling, and can you imagine how The Fainter would handle that? She was having a freak out over three miners digging up the lawn. She'd have lasted a week before she was scratching at George's door.


But, I really wish Demelza had packed up his stuff and shipped it over to Trenwith. His attachment to that twit would die a quick death if he had to live with her 24/7 for just one week. He's never really spent any quality time with her, and that's why his crush on her hasn't died, even though he's in love with another woman. When he is around her he's overwhelmed by her supposed beauty [in the books she has the same effect on Dwight] and she's always on her best behavior when she's in Ross's company. It would have been fun watching Elizabeth get a taste of what Demelza's had to put up with Ross gazing longingly at his wife while in Elizabeth's company or making excuses to go over to Nampara to visit his son. And I think if a woman had written this instead of a man that is exactly what would have happened.

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But, I really wish Demelza had packed up his stuff and shipped it over to Trenwith. His attachment to that twit would die a quick death if he had to live with her 24/7 for just one week. He's never really spent any quality time with her, and that's why his crush on her hasn't died, even though he's in love with another woman. When he is around her he's overwhelmed by her supposed beauty [in the books she has the same effect on Dwight] and she's always on her best behavior when she's in Ross's company. It would have been fun watching Elizabeth get a taste of what Demelza's had to put up with Ross gazing longingly at his wife while in Elizabeth's company or making excuses to go over to Nampara to visit his son. And I think if a woman had written this instead of a man that is exactly what would have happened.


I wrote something similar somewhere on this board, about how Ross saying that his love for Demelza was "real". His supposed love for Elizabeth was really only a long standing infatuation that was able to persist because he only ever saw Elizabeth looking perfectly coiffed and dressed, on her best behavior, and for short periods of time. How easy it is to remain perfect under those conditions. He never had to deal with her when she was tired and cranky from having been up all night with a fussy baby, never saw her with baby spit up on her clothes, never saw her with bed head or dealt with her morning breath (outside of the one night and then he was practically scrambling for the door). He never had to live a normal, messy, imperfect, but REAL life with her. His feelings for her were based on vapors, nothing substantial. Whereas his life with Demelza, as imperfect as it is, is 100% real and that's what his love for her is based on.

I think that Ross probably did at least consider being with Elizabeth going forward. It would only be natural. But I also believe that by considering it, even if only briefly, he was able to finally realize his infatuation for what it was...an idealized thing that couldn't compare with what he has with Demelza. And ultimately, Demelza is the one he decided he did not want to live without.

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?


I think that Ross probably did at least consider being with Elizabeth going forward. It would only be natural. But I also believe that by considering it, even if only briefly, he was able to finally realize his infatuation for what it was...an idealized thing that couldn't compare with what he has with Demelza. And ultimately, Demelza is the one he decided he did not want to live without.


I'm not so sure about that, because the infidelity wasn't really about giving into this overwhelming passion he couldn't resist. It was more about stopping her from marrying George Warleggan. And his comments the morning after was all about getting out of there as fast as he could.

Let's be honest, he had two chances to stop her from marrying another man and trying to get together with her and both times he gave it a pass.

Ironically in regards to a passion he couldn't resist, that seems to fit his first time with Demelza. One of the reasons he gives Demelza for why he initially married her was to appease an appetite he had for her. Apparently, he didn't have a similar appetite for Miss Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is the fantasy girl that's best left as a fantasy.

After the cheating, the easiest thing for Ross would have been to give it a try with Elizabeth. Demelza made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him, she even offered to pack his things for him so he could go live there. In the beach scene he even tells Demelza she needs to just wait this thing out, so it doesn't really speak of him ever considering getting together on a permanent basis with Elizabeth.

As I've said before, the sex was more about George than Elizabeth, but I doubt Ross will ever admit that particular truth to himself. It actually makes it worse in his mind than to be overcome with desire for his dream girl.

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?

IGAS, I think you meant to reply to the OP, Ann-56 since she was the one who asked this in her original post:

He was wavering about what to do and Elizabeth wanted him to choose her, but really how would that work? Would he live alongside his (legal) wife and child? What would his people think of that? How could either one live with that? It was not a real option imho.


😉 All good!

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?


He was wavering about what to do and Elizabeth wanted him to choose her, but really how would that work? Would he live alongside his (legal) wife and child? What would his people think of that? How could either one live with that? It was not a real option imho.

However, I wish he would have done so because then Demelza can assume her position of heroine. I'd love to see her exist with her husband and lover next door.


I just finished reading "Warleggan" and Book Elizabeth acknowledges just that. She has this internal dialogue with herself about how Ross could offer her nothing. That Demelza was alive and would stay alive. And she wants to postpone her wedding to George for herself, not in some hope Ross will come and sweep her up in his arms like Show Elizabeth does. It's the one time Book Elizabeth comes off better than Show Elizabeth.

My favorite fantasy version of what happens is Demelza packs up all of Ross's things and sends them to Trenwith and kicks Ross out and then she and Dwight start spending time together while Ross seethes with jealousy. It would have been the perfect revenge on both Ross and Elizabeth. Ross would get a taste of his own medicine with his mooning over Elizabeth throughout his marriage to Demelza and Elizabeth would know how it feels to see the man she's with mooning over another woman. And that other woman would be the wife, while she would be nothing but the mistress.

Re: How could Poldark have left Demelza?


He was wavering about what to do and Elizabeth wanted him to choose her, but really how would that work? Would he live alongside his (legal) wife and child? What would his people think of that? How could either one live with that? It was not a real option imho.


I thought of your post when I rewatched season 1 the other day. Elizabeth goes to Ross about Verity's relationship with Blamey, but Ross assumes she came to him to tell him she was leaving Francis and wanted to be with him. He even thinks he's called over to Trenwith because the family is all for it. Since Elizabeth was legally married to Francis just how did Ross think that was going to work?
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