The Affair : What the hell…

is wrong with Alison?

Here I'm starting to think she's finally getting her act together, she's looking so much better, even gaining some insight about herself and helping someone else. But where does she end up? Same old place.

First of all, how could anyone in her right mind think it would be a good idea to tell the father of the child she just regained shared custody with YESTERDAY, that she got a job 4 hours away? I mean seriously? You'd have to be either an idiot or beyond self-centered to not realize that the father would freak out. Even I, a simple viewer, was worried that Alison would up and leave Joanie again. I can't even imagine how Cole would be affected by that. And even if leaving Joanie is not her intention, it would sure as hell come across that way to any sane person who knows her history. How could she not realize that she should be very careful so as not to jeopardize the custody agreement? I agree with Cole, why can't she just be happy with getting her daughter back? At least for a minute?

Sheesh. Is she really that narcissistic? I'm even starting to wonder whether she really felt good about helping that poor girl, or if she mostly felt good about herself for doing it.

And seriously, can't she just give Cole a break? He was doing well before she came back to town, Oscar said he'd never seen him so happy. But Alison comes back and now he's a wreck again. (For a minute there, I was hoping Cole was going to see her psychiatrist because HE needed help, not to check on Alison.) But here's Alison, turning on her old powers of seduction, trying to draw Cole back to her. And using the whole assh*le vs hero speech, making the assh*le sound like the better choice. That's what everyone who cheats uses to rationalize their cheating.

I feel so confused after this episode. I was feeling encouraged at first and then by the end, I felt like Alison is a wrecking ball, laying waste to everyone around her. Yet she's coming out smelling like a rose while everyone else is falling apart; Cole, Helen and especially Noah. I mean is that the whole point? That Alison is this destructive force and everyone in her path gets mowed down?

I hope Cole can stick to his guns, but it doesn't look good. Seriously, all he has to do is think about his most recent interactions with Alison and realize she's still the same. Just imagine if he dumps Luisa, gets back together with Alison, and she takes that job in New Jersey? He'd be crazy to go down that road again.





"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

Cole apparently loves the madness or he'd wake up and instead of crying and playing the martyr, he'd realize, internally, what he says out loud, which is that Alison is Chaos. Why would he expect Alison to change the very core of her being, which in this case, means getting excited about a new opportunity or new anything in her life, instead of wallowing. All it would have taken is for Cole to say "Alison, stop, think about what this would entail" Instead of "I can't believe you (acted the way I've always known you to act)".

Here's what I believe, and this doesn't sum up everything about them and their relationship, but here are things that are obvious:

1) Cole may get angry when Alison goes off on her flights of fancy, but he also, deep down, loves it, and wouldn't know what to do if it went away forever.

2) In relation to point #1, Cole also loves feeling superior to Alison in this way, and desperately wants to save her, even though he consciously knows this isn't possible.

This is what real people do to each other, they drive each other nuts.

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First of all, how could anyone in her right mind think it would be a good idea to tell the father of the child she just regained shared custody with YESTERDAY, that she got a job 4 hours away? I mean seriously? You'd have to be either an idiot or beyond self-centered to not realize that the father would freak out.

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Or Alison took a very vague, open-ended comment from her mental health provider that she'd
make a good grief counselor one day (IF she gets a counseling degree and get licensed) and used IT to "force" Cole to admit his underlying affection for her.

I had a colleague once with whom I exchanged a lot of flirtatiousness, though given my position it was a bad idea at best, and technically probably sexual harassment at worst. In any case, she tired of my sitting on the fence merely teasing the notion, and said that she is looking for a promotion and had already "put in" for several positions, some that were in other offices at a considerable distance from the present one. Was she serious about this? Unlikely. Was she trying to get me off the fence and make me commit to something with her? Yep. Because that's when I went down the dangerous path of the office romance. Ultimately a very stupid thing to do. Too many people learned of it and it made both of us look very improper. I ultimately had to take a transfer out of that place to diffuse the all the negative baggage.

THIS is what Alison is doing with the "job offer" 4 hours away. Maybe she was half-serious, maybe just may be she wanted to make Cole reflect on the thought of Alison once again being out of his reach.

Why is Alison doing THIS? Because she is returning to the beginning, where it all went wrong for her. She lost a child that she and Cole shared, and now, she's got that child back. IF she gets Cole all to herself, she gets to remake what she lost. Her half custody and Cole's half custody makes for one whole familyLuisa be damned.

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And using the whole assh*le vs hero speech, making the assh*le sound like the better choice. That's what everyone who cheats uses to rationalize their cheating.

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Yep. Alison now literally resides as the "other woman" perpetually here. She kinda toys with men. I found it appropriate (even if slightly ironic) that Oscar of all people tries to dissuade Cole from blowing up his whole life for Alison. Why? Because Alison has always been this unattainable woman for Oscar. He wanted her from day one. He got a taste some 20 yrs ago, and again some 5 years ago, when she was in-btw (in her own mind perhaps) both Cole and Noah. Once again, Alison is this unattainable woman; this time for Cole. Remember, Alison knew from the very first second she laid eyes on Noah that he was married with 4 kidsin other words, very married. That didn't stop her from going down "the Affair" road with Noah.

IF ONLY, Alison heeded her own "counseling" because what she said to that little girl was key. She had an Affair as a way to work through her grief, which didn't end well for anyone. I felt myself say the words"It hasn't endedyet!" By which I mean the ripples of their Affair haven't yet fully resolved. They're still radiating outward in ever-expanding concentric circles. Sad to say, Alison's way of dealing with her lonesomeness is to bait Cole into an Affair, or worse to get him to dynamite his life.

As far as the happy a$$hole bitIt's an interesting variation on the either you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. One arguably could say that Noah exploited a very lost, depressed, grief stricken Alison by baiting her with attention and excitement and diversion from her despair. And now, Alison, having GOTTEN Joanie, is again in search of something else to make her feel whole again. She forgot what she told the little girl at the clinicyou're never be the same, like you were before. THIS is what she is after with Colesomething similar or as close to what she was BEFORE.

Alison did tell Cole (or Cole saw her as saying)she's always be moody, depressed and impulsive. Pretty good recipe for Chaos!

It's possible she didn't state it as emphatically as Cole heard. Of course. But how could she not recognize that he would freak and take it seriously? It's just more proof that she has no more awareness now than she did before of how much her actions hurt people. Apparently, she doesn't care enough to stop and think about the effect she has on the people she "loves". Has no one talked to her about how destructive her lack of impulse control can be? And that it doesn't give her free reign to blow other people's relationships up because it makes her feel wanted?

I was really happy that she seemed to be gaining some insight when she said she'd always be moody, depressed and impulsive. That's the first step, right, knowing your unhealthy behaviors and reactions to triggers? But it's more like she's wearing it as a badge of honor, not using it to help her make better choices. When is this woman going to figure out that SHE needs to take responsibility and stop contributing to the dismantling of others in an effort to make herself feel whole?

I hope Sarah has more in mind than this when she said Alison would be making strides this season. Because right now, she may look better on the surface but nothing's changed when it comes to her behavior and how she uses men.

She's definitely got the cheater mindset down, that your own happiness is most important, others be damned. If not, then she wouldn't have been trying to convince Cole that choosing to be a happy assh*le over a miserable hero, is the noble thing to do. And to do it, right after apologizing to Helen? This is why I'm so frustrated with the character. She seriously never seems to learn. Just like some real people.




"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

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When is this woman going to figure out that SHE needs to take responsibility and stop contributing to the dismantling of others in an effort to make herself feel whole?

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I posit a question that I'll make into a thread of its ownare any of the characters growingi.e., learning from their mistakes, adjusting their actions, making proper amends, and changing themselves for the better?

As it seems, as of S3E8, not really!

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I posit a question that I'll make into a thread of its ownare any of the characters growingi.e., learning from their mistakes, adjusting their actions, making proper amends, and changing themselves for the better?

As it seems, as of S3E8, not really!

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Yep, as of now, none of them have. A few have taken some tottering steps forward, but then taking equally tottering steps backwards. At this point it's a wash, with everyone being a mess.

I'd be curious to see if anyone comes up with something, because as of right now, I don't see how any of them have progressed or gained much insight at all.




"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

Yo Cotton, Thanks for the confirming Catbooks' tip about the dialogue source.

I agree that nobody here thus far seems to be growing much at all despite some brief flashes of personal reflection and insight. Most frustrating have been those by Noah and Alison. They seem to be the most destructive people on the show.

Most of the leads on the show seem to be driven by pathological self-interest.

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Yep. Alison now literally resides as the "other woman" perpetually here. She kinda toys with men. I found it appropriate (even if slightly ironic) that Oscar of all people tries to dissuade Cole from blowing up his whole life for Alison. Why? Because Alison has always been this unattainable woman for Oscar. He wanted her from day one. He got a taste some 20 yrs ago, and again some 5 years ago, when she was in-btw (in her own mind perhaps) both Cole and Noah. Once again, Alison is this unattainable woman; this time for Cole. Remember, Alison knew from the very first second she laid eyes on Noah that he was married with 4 kidsin other words, very married. That didn't stop her from going down "the Affair" road with Noah.

IF ONLY, Alison heeded her own "counseling" because what she said to that little girl was key. She had an Affair as a way to work through her grief, which didn't end well for anyone. I felt myself say the words"It hasn't endedyet!" By which I mean the ripples of their Affair haven't yet fully resolved. They're still radiating outward in ever-expanding concentric circles. Sad to say, Alison's way of dealing with her lonesomeness is to bait Cole into an Affair, or worse to get him to dynamite his life.

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Very well put and I believe correct.

Yes it was a bad move on her part but you're being a bit dramatic. She got overly excited and felt she was doing something right and that she belonged somewhere. Obviously the job is not for her due to distance but jeez you're overdramatic when it comes to her.

Well, thank you very much for analyzing me instead of the show. That's me I guess, super dramatic about everything. (dramatic eye roll. )

So tell me, how does it feel being the biggest Alison apologist in the history of ever? (just so you know what exaggeration feels like.)

Also, how is it that you seem to only hear the negative things people say about her? I rooted for Alison for 2 years. At a certain point, a person has to get real. And the person who's caused so much pain needs to prove herself. So far, she hasn't done anything of the sort.

Read Cotton Mouth's explanation for her behavior. He has some insight.




"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

The better question, I think, is what the hell is wrong with Cole?

Sleeping with her is one thing, but a person would have to be crazy to try to have a serious relationship with her.

He has known her since she was at least 16. They obviously have a long history and a deep love.

I think YOU must be 16. You consistently stray from analysis to insulting people directly for not loving your hero. Thread after thread, I read your jabbiing comments. Every character on this show is so skewed from POV's and so obviously broken, that loving or hating any one them doesn't surprise me. It shows what people relate to in their own lives.

Well, yes. Cole is definitely not dealing with his issues. He tries to be stoic and push everything down and has no idea why he can't fight his attraction to Alison. It's because he's self-destructive and she can help him accomplish his subconscious goal.






"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

I don't think Cole is self destructive. I think he just can't shake Alison, because he knew and loved her for so long, she is a part of him. She understands/shares his grief over Gabriel, something that never goes away. She knows HIM too. And now they have Joanie.

I don't think he keeps gravitating toward her because he wants to destroy himself. What he wants is NOT to destroy himself or get caught up in "Chaos," so he fights his attraction to her.

I agree. He knows her pull over him and fights against it. That's why he went back to Luisa.

Nobody "wants" to destroy himself. Being self-destructive means doing things that aren't good for you. He knows being with Alison is not good for him right now but he's drawn to her anyway. We'll see if he has the strength to protect himself from the chaos that would likely ensue if he gives in.



"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

Cole, the drug dealing and using family that mortgaged 25 million in land, needed Allisons only inheritance to buy a business to support his illegal immigrant wife - stability or Chaos?

Was Luisa illegal? Or just an immigrant? That's neither here nor there to me. But you have a point about the drugs. Alison was helping him run a criminal endeavor in S1 to save HIS family's land/business. He was willing to risk jail and let her do the same. Now he's thriving thanks to the seed money from HER family legacy, building a house on the water (that costs BANK in Montauk) while she lives in an apartment. A perfectly nice apartment, but still.

The truth is while Cole has suffered from his association with Alison, it hasn't been a net negative . Yes, she had an affair, but that happened after their son died. It is very, very common for marriages to fall apart when a child dies, especially in circumstances like that where it was an avoidable tragedy/accident. There is no indication she was "chaos" before that, is there? Moody and impulsive, maybe, but not unstable. She was working as a nurse, raising her son, etc. She was functional. And no cheating on either side that we know of.

So while Luisa definitely represents stability now, it's all relative. He doesn't seem to be in love with her, to me. And I think that would be true whether or not Alison was in the picture. It's not Alison's fault that Cole isn't more passionate about his wife, or that her presence only serves to remind him of that. OK, so she should stop "dropping by" to talk to him. But let's not forget that it was COLE who initiated sex with Alison, not the other way around. Both their POVs confirm that. He set that in motion.

Honestly, the thorniest thing about the situation, in a way, is financial. If he got divorced Luisa would get a chunk of change and part of the business. They couldn't afford the house any more, most likely. They'd have to split the baby. So while he'd still have a good source of income, he wouldn't be as made in the shade as he is now.

I thought it was crazy mother Cherry who did the mortgaging behind their backs?

She wasdouble, triple encumbered the property so that a sale would leave almost nothing when split among the Lockhart children, leaving Alison 50% of Cole's share, which would be barely a drop in the bucket for the Montauk Escape Fund.

Allison is a head case. She lives for the drama. I guess it lets her know she's alive. She only wants Cole now because he belongs to someone else.

Exactly. Something else could turn her head (like a job in NJ?) and she'd be flitting off to something or someone else in a heartbeat. She can't be counted on. And Cole needs help if he can't realize that. Well, he needs help anyway.




"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

In Alison's POV, she said they suggested she might be a good fit for a proposed training program to become a grief counselor, and she was thinking about how she might be able to do it. In Cole's POV, she said they offered her a job and she said yes.

These are extremely different takes emphasis on "extreme." In this case, I'm inclined to believe Alison's version (which seems more likely to be true), as opposed to Cole's kneejerk "OMG THIS CRAZY B*TCH NEVER CHANGES!" psycho-ex reaction.

I'm sure he overreacted. But that's not exactly the point. It's Alison being so self-centered that it wouldn't even occur to her that he'd freak. Most people after a divorce know what's going to set their ex off. I can guarantee, if I were in a touchy custody situation, I'd be extremely careful approaching my ex. Cole already took Alison's daughter once, and she really should have the mindset that he could do it again, especially considering the way she perceived Cole to be arguing vehemently with Luisa over it. But nope, she's now busy trying to win Cole back, too, Luisa be damned. Probably so she can have security through Cole instead of just trying to be a responsible adult.






"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

I think she's just trying to move on and feel normal again. How long is she expected to hide herself away and identify as "the ex-mental patient"? Maybe she's rushing it, but I think she just wants to use what she's experienced to help others, and set herself on the road to true recovery as well. She wants to be a productive member of society instead of just sitting around the house waiting for her turn to have Joanie. She's not Princess Luisa, she doesn't have that luxury.

I was trying to find a succinct quote, but as your post is in whole integral, I have to quote it all.

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I'm sure he overreacted. But that's not exactly the point. It's Alison being so self-centered that it wouldn't even occur to her that he'd freak. Most people after a divorce know what's going to set their ex off. I can guarantee, if I were in a touchy custody situation, I'd be extremely careful approaching my ex. Cole already took Alison's daughter once, and she really should have the mindset that he could do it again, especially considering the way she perceived Cole to be arguing vehemently with Luisa over it. But nope, she's now busy trying to win Cole back, too, Luisa be damned. Probably so she can have security through Cole instead of just trying to be a responsible adult.

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IMO, Cole may or may not have overreacted. I tend to think he didn't. As it was, he, and Luisa, had every reason to believe Alison was not reliable and stable, particularly as it related to Alison's ability to be a stable presence in Joanie's life. Maybe she'd become that, or maybe not. Alison had to prove this, which she appeared to do for a while, but as soon as she got shared custody, the very next day she blew it apart, and caused more doubt, more distrust within Cole and (I assume) Luisa, when what she needed to do was to continue to build that trust.

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But nope, she's now busy trying to win Cole back, too, Luisa be damned.

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Yes, exactly. Even after Luisa (and Cole) decided to agree to Alison having Joanie over for the night in an unsupervised visit, which the court had not yet agreed to. Luisa, somewhat reluctantly, agree to it, driving over to Alison's that morning to tell her, and meanwhile Alison had betrayed Luisa by sleeping with Cole, Luisa's husband, that very night. Luisa had asked Alison that morning to not make her regret agreeing to allow Joanie stay with her that night, and later Alison tries to take Cole away from her, deliberately.

I used to have sympathy for Alison, and still do in some ways losing a child, in the way that this happened, and her disruptive childhood had to have been awful and traumatizing. But at this point it's getting very difficult to empathize with her.

Oh, I agree. What I meant is that Cole may have overreacted in thinking the job was a done deal already. He may have jumped to some conclusions. But I think he had every right to be upset. She's showing the same behavior all over again and it's completely understandable that he would be appalled. I still can't get over that she can't recognize how stupid going to Cole with that news was, the day after she got custody! If she didn't have her history, then the job opportunity would be an entirely different situation, but she has a bad history of running away. Away from her problems, from Joanie, from one man to another. That's Alison, true to form. Taking a new job in NJ makes about as much sense as buying and running a new restaurant in Connecticut. She may be finally getting a handle on her grief, thanks to therapy, but she sure hasn't gotten a handle on anything else. It's really surprising to me that a therapist would think she'd be a good counselor.






"There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohen

I agree, OP. Alison is the cog in the wheel of the story. I doubt it's intentional, but she lays waste to everything in her path.

Another thing that popped into my head while reading this thread is that Alison clearly doesn't and never did love Noah. Sad considering.

Cole was raised in a very dysfunctional family with a very very dysfunctional mother. He has some mom issues and seems to like playing a part in Alison's victimhood. Cheered him on when he told her, it was about her and think he did use the word victim but reality is he wants dysfunction. Louisa has it together and nothing about Cole will be comfortable with structure and balance. He wants dysfunction because that is how he was raised and Cole being the traditionalist isn't going to change.

Im more humble than you can understand-Donnie