Trophy Kids : Tennis Mom

I wouldn't say the tennis mom was grooming her kids to be "trophy kids," but simply helping them work out and also encouraging them to be themselves and play the game to have fun. She seems to be the healthy minded person compared to the other parents.

I will admit, the other parents in this documentary are just nuts. Golf dad is the one I really hate the most, along with football dad. Both basketball dads are just egotistical losers who live through their kids.

As a non-religious person I would say the tennis mom is just as bad if not worse than the other parents. Do you at anytime see the twins crack a smile about tennis? Do they not hesitate about God being the one to succeed?
The kids ARE the ones succeeding, not God. And to say God is the one responsible for their "success" is actually taking away everything the kids have worked for.
I am not against faith but I think that if the twins could actually thank themselves for their own success they would be a lot more enthusiastic about the whole tennis endeavour.
The Mom is very enthusiastic and very positive, I'll give her that, especially compared to some other parents, but the videos of barely walking infants with tennis rackets says a lot about where the "passion for tennis" came from. In this case: their parents, me guess?
Overall an extremely interesting documentary. I have 2 young boys that I can't help but hope to be rugbymen (dad) and/or tap dancers (mom). After watching this documentary I'm now commited to let them let me know what they actually want.
No parent should live their dream through their children. Also, it's never too late to achieve your dreams/ideas, regardless of how old you are.
Let your kids be who they want to be.

Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the religion part. I think the kids are just humble. They don't appear to hate it, but they're also at an age where they are probably coming to in realizing how good they are. I played sports when I was a kid with a couple of other kids who were like that. I think they're just even tempered. I think they were lucky compared to golfer girl and football teen. God, those 2 kids I feel horrible for them. Football kid had his heart and mind in the right place to go live with his mom and step up when she got sick. Shows that kid has character and his dad didn't see any of that. Golfer girl is going to grow up to hate her dad, and I hope so, because he deserves it.

See, I don't think they're humble. I think they've been told to like tennis since they were infants (i.e. videos showing them with big tennis rackets from about 9-10 months old).
So yes, there are worst parents on the show (football dad and golf dad being right up there) but it still doesn't excuse some random (quite old) woman telling us she's getting fit by training her quite frankly not so motivated kids. I will google all these kids in 5-10 years and see where their parents "got them to".
As a mother of two young boys I now understand there is a huge difference between your expectations as an adult and what your kids actually want with or without God.
On a personal level, coming from a very artistic and very sporty family, this documentary actually gave me an opportunity to do things differently with my kids.

Parenting is tough. You're responsible for the whole "shaping minds" thing. But I think this documentary shows people go way overboard in that. What really got to me was the golf dad saying the Japanese girls were better because they got hit at home and he couldn't do that here because he'd get arrested. Plus every time he said, "We got so much work to do" and "Wait till we get to the car" showed he was anything but a positive influence. It's so ridiculous, but like I said, parenting is tough. I guess there's obviously a line you can't cross but still have to give direction. I'm just happy I don't have kids.

Don't get me wrong, even as a European mom where sometimes spanking can be accepted, it's still something you do your best to avoid.
There comes a time where you have to wonder: is it better to be spanked a couple times when getting really out of line or is it better to see your own kids go to juvenile because you never got to really tell them what jail or the death penalty was about. Obviously I consider that a couple spanks are better than juvenile or prison for life or death penalty.
We are, or I am, straying from the topic of the movie. Yes, we are responsible to a big extant to what our children become. In this documentary I see full grown (supposedly responsible adults) quitting their jobs on the odd chance that their kid will make a lot of money playing whatever sport. That's where I draw the line, are you in it as an education/life tool or as a money making tool? The tool being your own child?

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There comes a time where you have to wonder: is it better to be spanked a couple times when getting really out of line or is it better to see your own kids go to juvenile because you never got to really tell them what jail or the death penalty was about. Obviously I consider that a couple spanks are better than juvenile or prison for life or death penalty.

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If your child gets "out of line" such that you see their future as being jail or the death penalty, you failed as a parent long ago.

I don't trust people who don't like pets and I don't trust people who pets don't like.

How narrow minded to judge a person based on their beliefs. So she integrates God into every aspect, that's neither here nor there. Point is her kids hate tennis. I just knew there would be people tearing her apart because she's focused on God. Smh

I'm inclined to agree on tennis mom. Her religious nonsense was pretty crazy but she was easily the most sane of the parents. What does that tell you? Golf dad was a nutcase. I bet she'd play so much better without him there. Basketball Dad was equally insane, but you could tell that from the beginning. Bet he grew up in NYC. And the football dad I mean wow. Can't tell your kid doesn't want to play? He could barely even run. Poor kid.

Tennis Mom was the nicest by far. She seemed to actually enjoy her boys beyond the tennis. I hated frosted tips basketball dad. The way he was yelling at the game disgusted me. It would be hard to resist the urge to attack him (as a parent of one of the other children on the team).

You're rightshe wasn't in the same class as the rest of the parents. Not sure why she was included.

I just wanted the tennis mom to SHUT THE HELL UP!

She was a religious zealot psycho. It was like some weird, christian/tennis cult *beep*

Yea she was insane. But the other parents were way worse. Straight up abusive. That golf dad should be in jail. In 4 or 5 years those kids will probably tell her to shove it and she'll either give up or have a complete meltdown.

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Reading this while smoking may cause lung disease.

Of them all, she was the one whose mental illness was most obvious. That pushing her children was about her own self esteem issues. She was the one who spoke in the most delusional manner. The fathers, on the other hand, just seemed like people with anger issues.

Basketball father seemed lazy. He quit his job to train his son?!? To me, he seemed angry in the same way as a guy at the racetrack whose horse was coming in last.

Football father came across as a guy who failed at his own career. And that anger he directed at his kid and his training.

Golf father, just seemed mean. His delusion was thinking he was Earl Woods because he read a book.

I don't trust people who don't like pets and I don't trust people who pets don't like.

I think she was the worst mom they could find. They had to have at least one woman, so it didn't look like all the grotesquely ambitious people were fathers. To find the really foul moms, you have to go to beauty pageants.

She wasn't all that bad, really. Obviously, she had predetermined where their 'God-given talent' would lie! And for those of us who think that if God exists, He ought to be focusing on something a hell of a lot more important than two eleven year old tennis twins,it was rather risible.

But, she was never critical, loud-mouthed etc.

No, she was just as crazy. All the god stuff was nuts, and it is going to give the kids real hangups to think that a non-existent god is personally invested in their tennis career and number 1 world ranking. it appears she decided god wanted this without even a sign? number 1 doubles is oddly specific. maybe god wants them number 2.

She did seem helpful when she ran with them and said things like "go have fun" and wouldn't encourage them to beat each other (fostering competition between them would have been lifelong very damaging IMO) but she was still nuts and harmful. And look at their sad defeated faces?! Horrible.
Plus she said they were always good at tennis. Potentially true, but why were they playing with full-size rackets when they were infants? That archive home video footage was eye-opening. It wasn't them playing with tennis balls or other sport balls naturally, they actually had racquets left around intentionally to try to develop them. That definitely raises the nuttiness stakes a lot.

Yeah don't anyone be fooled by her. Although she wasn't as straight up an a$$hole as the other dads, she was just as batsh!t crazy as the rest of them with all that religion garbage. Feel bad for those kids. I see it in my own community. Parents ruin it for the kids.

"Somebody showed me a picture, and I just laughed
Dignity never been photographed."

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No, she was just as crazy. All the god stuff was nuts, and it is going to give the kids real hangups to think that a non-existent god is personally invested in their tennis career and number 1 world ranking. it appears she decided god wanted this without even a sign? number 1 doubles is oddly specific. maybe god wants them number 2.

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This is why atheists get a bad name - it's just like an evangelical rant!

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She did seem helpful when she ran with them and said things like "go have fun" and wouldn't encourage them to beat each other (fostering competition between them would have been lifelong very damaging IMO)

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I agree.

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but she was still nuts and harmful.

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Uh oh, here we go again!

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And look at their sad defeated faces?! Horrible.

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Atheist kids look sad when they're defeated too. Should we not ask our children to compete, because losing might make them sad?

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Plus she said they were always good at tennis. Potentially true, but why were they playing with full-size rackets when they were infants? That archive home video footage was eye-opening. It wasn't them playing with tennis balls or other sport balls naturally, they actually had racquets left around intentionally to try to develop them.

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Yeah, like I said; 'mom' rather than God, had predetermined the kids' gift.

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That definitely raises the nuttiness stakes a lot.

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Not really.

She believed in God (it's not a sin ) and encouraged her kids. She wasn't bad.

Help it's a crazy person

well, there's a well thought out, beautifully reasoned and logical response!

I would say that her attitude was very harmful. Telling kids "you're smart!" is bad enough, because it gives them the impression that it's an attribute that they cannot change, but telling them, "you're smart because of God!" takes a whole new level. As if they don't do well at tennis, or choose not to pursue it, they've given away their God-given gift.

Having religious beliefs isn't bad. Ben Franklin, Aristotle, Einstein, all had some level of religious belief. If you believe in a creator, there is some truth to saying that your innate talents come from God.

It can be harmful but I don't think it has to be. Sometimes it can pull someone up who is doubting themselves. The mom was a little nuts, but I didn't see how she was harming her kids at least with the religious stuff. She made me roll my eyes some, and I think her kids kind of felt the same way, but she didn't use religion to scare them. If she was telling them God would smite them if they lost, okay, but she used it more as encouragement. And if someone wasted their talent by quitting or not pursuing it, they wasted their talent, whether a supposed God is in the picture or not. I can hear golf girl wanting to quit and her dad going into a rage about she's wasting her talent, her life, everything without bringing religion in it.

I think it was more damaging for tennis mom to give the kids the rackets as toddlers and to take them to the beach to run and stuff. You know that most likely was not their idea. She can't force what the boys think about stuff (religious views), but for the time being she could force their actions (tennis participation). The other kids were berated and pushed so hard they most likely will either hate their sport, parents, themselves, a combination of the three or all of the above. I don't see the boys hating tennis or their mom, though I can see them being pretty indifferent to tennis.

Tennis mom was confusing to her childrenshe constantly fed them mixed messageswhich could be considered a mild form of abuse. She was being dishonest with herself as much as the children when she said she didn't really care about winning. It was really obvious that she very much cared about winningto the boys if no one else. Moreover her attitude about working hard and practicing in order to improve was therebut then saying any success was due to "god" meant that any efforts expended were uselesssuccess was up to "fate", or "chance" or if you prefer, some nebulous God and out of their own hands. That was the worst message she could give those boys if she actually wanted them to succeed. You could see the confusion in their faces when she spouted all of her positive affirmations, God messages and pushed them towards "success" while at the same time trying to say she just wanted them to have fun and didn't care about them winning. How does that gel with all of that talk about expecting them to be champions> Sure, it's fine if they aren't winning NOW, but of course they'll want to win later, and of course they might be in their 30s when it happens for them That tells the boys that yes, she really is disappointed in them for not winning, and yes she cares, but she doesn't actually expect that they WILL win. Or if they do win, it's because GOD willed it. How is that going to motivate them to fully engage with the competition of the game? You can't be champions without winning! Talk about mixed messages! They weren't buying any of it and really didn't know what their mother expected from them. They will invariably feel as if they've disappointed her and failed to live up to her expectationsno matter what she says.

She wasn't providing any kind of clear path for them to achieve what she actually desired for them. Worse, while she constantly claimed that it was the boys' dreams to play tennis there wasn't a single moment when it looked as if those boys wanted to play or thought it was "fun" and they were never given the opportunity to say or try anything else. They were there to fulfill their mother's dream, not their own. In that regard she was just as bad as every other parent in the film, but I bet she won't ever recognize that fact. The only way to know if tennis really WAS their choice, was to let them play other sports or do other things instead of constantly focusing on tennis. And in fact, the best athletes actually DO cross train, even taking dance lessons to improve their play. None of them have any idea if this is really where the boys want to be.

Still, you have to give her credit for at least some insight into her motives (even if not fully honest with herself) and for at least trying to do the right thing for her boys. She just needs to take that final step in backing off and say, "Okay kids, is this what you really want to do?" while genuinely open to the answer. You could at least hope she will finally stop the waffling and openly admit, "Guess what guys, I'd really like it if you actually compete for the win. I'd be so proud of you if you winbut you have to want toyou have to want it for yourself." Not for God, or because God "wills" it. I doubt God cares one iota about who wins any sport at any time. This whole concept trivializes belief and the efforts of the competitive athletes who work so hard to perform well. Winning, let alone winning championships isn't going to happen through magical thinking, but actual drive, personal motivation and practice. Right now she isn't even telling them that it's okay for them to WANT to win; she's really telling them exactly the oppositethat they will win when GOD wants them to win, which means they will all invariably be disappointed.

She's setting them up for failure. She's sending mixed messages. She's lying about her true expectations and motivationsin that she's telling them one thing while expecting another,and at that same time minimizes their own efforts. Ultimately they will always disappoint her no matter what they do, and even worse they will never trust their own efforts even if they win. They could be the best players in the world but will always doubt themselves. Frankly though, I would be shocked if they ever got that far. She is not teaching them how to succeed; she's ruining the game for them and ruining them for the gamefor living in a competitive society.

What she is doing is fundamentally psychological abuse. Of course there is a range of severity here, but it really does qualify because of the damage she is inflictingno matter how well intentioned. She is definitely better than the other examples, but psychologically she is hurting those children.

She was the least abusive one. I suspect her kids will be the most well adjusted ones. I guess the most controversial aspect was her strong religious beliefs which she was pushing on her kids. I suspect her kids will end up being less religious than her or maybe not at all. But lots of parents do that. If the parents are otherwise loving, you've got to let parents raise their kids the way they want, within reason.