Commando : 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

I know it`s been on this board before, but I`ll try to give it another direction:

1. It`s better to let off your steam before messing with Matrix!
2. Rule number 1: John Matrix is always right and you are always wrong!
3. It is better to pretend that you are deadly tired than Matrix "singing" you to sleep!
4. When you recrut John Matrix for a mission do not expect to get anything more than `bodies!
5. When your name is Bennett and you are wearing light chain mail and have lately kidnapped Matrix daughter, you are in for some trouble!!
6. You can easily jump off a plane if your name is John Matrix!
7. John Matrix lies sometimes!

So what did Commando teach you?



`How do you know I'm mad?
`You must be or you wouldn't have come here.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

8. A team of security guards will always go after the guy without the gun, instead of the guy with the gun.
9. Guys who eat too much red meat, always try to kill each other.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

10. Even if you eat Green Berets for breakfast, you still be "very hungry".

11. Retired Special-Ops Colonels are issued with digital watches that have rather noisy countdown timers..

12. Never throw a crazed Australian Special-Ops Captain out of your unit, especially if he enjoys killing "a little too much". He'll come back to haunt you sooner or later (dressed in chainmail, leather chaps and sporting the biggest moustache you've seen since Freddie Mercury was rocking Wembley in the 80's with Queen)

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Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

13a. Or completely dead.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

I don't care how hungry you are after eating Green Berets! You still shouldn't eat mystery sandwiches made by a 9 year old girl named Chenny.


"I haven't got fruit in me loins woman! Lice yes, and proud of 'em"

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Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

John Matrix looks like the Terminator

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

23. When your daughter is hostage on an island full of buildingsYou can just blow loads of them up without checking if she is actually in one of them.

24. When blowing up said buildings they will always explode from the inside, even though you planted the explosives outside.

25. When hiding behind a pillar from mall security guards, just simply pull your head back behind the pillar and leave the complete rest of your body exposed, they will surely never see you.

26. countdown beepers on digital watches only beep when you look directly at the watch.

27. You can freely move around a commercial airliner during take-off by proclaiming you are "airsick" and no-one will challenge you.

28. you can knock people out and lock them in broom closets, and when they come to they won't tell anyone what happened.

29. When you are rowing out to wage war on an island, it is perfectly acceptable as a trained commando to row there wearing nothing but a pair of black speedos, because no-one will be waiting for you on the beach (obviously).



"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

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Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

33.Ruthless ex-dictators are named after fourth century heretics

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

34. Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
35. That's right, Matrix. You did.
36. I lied.

37. 50,000 bullets all flying in your direction will never hit you, but every bullet you fire in the opposite direction WILL hit your enemies.

38. A Police special unit van will not turn around and investigate a rocket launched into a building, but rather continue driving along as if nothing happened.
_________________________________
hasta.gifSteven Seagal Fan Club Presidenthasta.gif

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

Spoffdarko,
You are one funny dude man, that sh!t was funny!

Wht about dat job i did for ju in Freedom Town Da Rebenga hit, wht was dat a game of dominoes,mang?

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

39. John Matrix will be back!

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

40. If your are fighting someone in a factory and don't have a weapon just rip a huge aluminum pipe off the wall and throw it like a javelin at your opponent's chest.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando


41. The answer to every problem is in the barrel of a M60 machine gun.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

42. Always beware of an approaching helicopter, if it lands nearby and your old general from your days in the forces warns you of impending trouble it WILL kick off instantly!

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Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

43. There are eight days of the week: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and PayDay.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

44 - It's perfectly safe to keep loads of guns in a little wood cabin with just a lock. no one will open it.

45 - you can't talk business waving guns at people's faces, or can you?

46 - shopping center restaurants are perfect to seduce women. So says Sully.



"You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last." fight2.gif

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Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

Sorry dude and thanks for your correction.

`How do you know I'm mad?
`You must be or you wouldn't have come here.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

- 47 Latent Homosexuality is very dangerous, supressing homosexuality can result in turning in too a murderous Freddie Murcury look alike killing machine with a chain mail shirt.





"A fundie to me would be anyone who believes in a literal interpretation of the bible"

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

48 - Bars in shopping malls are usually jammed with people wall to wall in the middle of the day.

49 - On a 12 hour flight, the stewardess wont notice that the ape that got up during take off has disappeared, and the man in the seat next to his has been murdered.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

50 - Kicking the sh*t out of a Seaplanes control panel will always get it started!

_________________________________
hasta.gifSteven Seagal Fan Club Presidenthasta.gif

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

51. Leather seats are nothing but trouble. Vinyl's better.

52. Shopping malls are great places for "hunting slash".

53. Terrorists stink.

-Nl aon scilen mar do scilen fin.-

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

54 - If Sully can't seduce you, you're a bitch.

55 - Austrian bodybuilders can easily rip the seat of a porsche.

"You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last." fight2.gif

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

56 - There's 'no chance'.. just generally

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

57. You can still moan in pain after you have been shot dead, as long as you are shot in the forehead.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

58. There was no need to send Matrix, a Girl Scout troop armed with sling shots could've defeated Dan Hedaya's army.

59. If you're a bad guy and you spot Matrix "off the plane" and currently pre-occupied fighting security guards, don't use that time to run away where Matrix can't find you so you can make your call to the boss, instead use a pay phone right by Matrix, where he'll have the best chance of stopping you from making the call.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

60. You can violently kill someone on a commercial flight by breaking their neck before take off and nobody will notice, especially the people right behind you who will just stare straight ahead as if in some kind of trance.

61. Ask for a pillow and a blanket to cover up the murder you just committed, it TOTALLY works!

62. "Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired" (monotone voice).

63. If a girl you're hitting on says to you that she's not interested, follow her all the way to her car and continue to harass her.

64. When the girl you have been harassing while following her to her car finally turns around and says "will you please leave me alone" call her an f-ing wh*re.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando


63. If a girl you're hitting on says to you that she's not interested, follow her all the way to her car and continue to harass her.
haven't you seen this movie? That's the last thing you should do unless you want to be dropped from a cliff.

65. If you want to land a hot stewardess, don't chat her up, just abduct her and go on a rampage with her in tow. She'll fall for you in 12 hours or less.

I think humanity should be wiped out and then we can give evolution a second chance.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando


66. Cutting a young girl's throat is like "slicing warm butter"


The jail you plan for me is the one you're gonna rot in.-THE COLOR PURPLE, 1985

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

67. Home - made pornos are a common occurance in hotel rooms. They also don't care about anything around them until two dudes crash in.
68. Always learn to correctly pronounce the name you will give to your daughter. Chenny.
69. When entering shady business in a mall, whip out your gun immediatly when the *beep* hits the fan, regardless of whether it has anything to do with you.
70. East Germany was a *beep* place to live (not something particuarly funny just something very true)

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

71. If you happen to be a piss-ant soilder, DO NOT try to act tough. Unless of course you are trying to make someone laugh.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

72. If your first instinct is to "use the real thing", go with that instinct.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

73. When your commander warns you about terrorists he will arrive on your front lawn in a military chopper.

74. Matrix has a good sense of humor.

75. The guy who played Bennett didn't hit the gym for this role.

76. Baby deer will let oversized ape and Chenny eat from their hands.

77. Goons can open a truck hood without the keys and kill the engine in 10 seconds.

78. Saying your airsick will get you outta every pickle.

79. John Matrix is the best name ever.

80. Motel room walls are made of cardboard and plaster.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

81. When you hit a telephone pole dead-center at 70 mph, the laws of physics will not apply and you will not be thrust forward and emerge unscratched even though you were:

a. Not wearing a seatbelt.
b. In a vehicle not equipped with an airbag
c. In a vehicle with a missing passenger seat.


You wanna take that out of your pocket? Do you wanna NOT steal that from Walter's house?

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

82. Guys built like Dan Aykroyd in Ghostbusters are a physical match to play a character who is supposed to be as imposing as Arnold.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

83. If you're John Matrix, your gun will magically regenerate bullets until you decide to switch to a more badass gun.

84. A shootout between security, police, and known Latin American paramilitaries in a crowded Los Angeles shopping mall will somehow not be reported on the evening news.

85. Matrix would have been oh so incredibly screwed if they had cell phones and Blackberries back then.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

86. When you pull up beside a police van, police officers will not notice a rocket launcher in your back seat of the convertible.

87. The person you kidnapped and holding will escape only in time for you to notice where she is going.

88. Matrix needs to put a jungle-like camouflage even though he fights mostly in open and hide behind the pillars.

89. When you get hit in the stomach and legs by a grenade, it is advisable to remove and fight without the bullet proof jacket.

90. A person will wait to fire before being shot by Matrix.

91. Matrix was born sarcastic.

92. When Matrix ask you to drop the chicken-sh*t gun and fight with knives, you do it.

93. Matrix can fight with only his left hand, which is rather weak.

94. Army will only arrive after the fight has ended to collect bodies.

95. You don't want to know what your daughter put in the sandwich.

96. Rolled over trucks apparently catches fire and explode.

97. Planes in airport do not report running people on the runway.

98. If you have known Matrix only for 5 minutes, you will want him dead.

99. If Matrix drops a person from a cliff, other person will not notice.

100. A JCB will be always available for you to break in a shop and Matrix knows how to drive them.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

101. The cars placed on display in new car showrooms are filled with gas, just in case someone wants to start it.

102. When a large man who just dropped from the landing gear of a DC-10 into a nearby swamp is seen running on the active runways and taxiways at LAX, no one will notice and cease operations until authorities can catch him.

103. When a fight to the death is going on in the next room at a cheap hotel, a couple having sex will keep right on going. At least until the combatants crash through the wall.

104. The laws of inertia no longer apply, therefore when traveling at high speed in a small convertible, after hitting a telephone pole you will remain exactly where you are within the confines of the car. Just to be safe, however, you should turn to your fellow occupant (if applicable) and ask if she is OK.

105. When the need arises to exit an airliner that is taxiing for departure, simply stand up and destroy whatever part of the aircraft you need to in order to reach a good jumping off point. Should a flight attendant question you, just make a quick claim of illness and keep right on walking. That's all she needs to know.

106. Former special forces soldiers who have become flabby after leaving the force are nevertheless the equal of fellow former soldiers who have stayed in excellent shape.

107. Villains driving down a winding road and trying to escape angry fathers of kidnapped girls should keep right on going when the angry father is careening down a hill to hit them. They should never simply stop and wait for the careening, angry dad to simply careen on by without hitting them.

108. Former special forces soldiers who master the art of delivering smart aleck one liners teach their daughters to do the same at a young age. This talent might come in handy should the daughter be kidnapped and need to get inside the heads of her captors.

109. Former Green Berets and other special forces members who fight to the death can't just fight to the death, they must try to bust each other's balls the whole time as well.

110. The uniforms of flight attendants remain remarkably clean, neat and wrinkle-free as they help former special forces soldiers rescue their kidnapped daughters.

111. If a flight attendant is ever kidnapped by a former special forces soldier trying to rescue his kidnapped daughter, simple logic says she will fall in love with him.

112. The pilot of a seaplane will never think to push the throttles to the full power position in an attempt to gain altitude. So it might be handy to have an ex special forces guy riding shotgun, he'll figure it out.

113. Airlines don't keep manifests or other records of the number of passengers on board, therefore if a passenger claiming to be airsick gets up prior to takeoff and never returns to his seat, the flight crew won't say a word and the 11 hour flight will continue without delay.

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

114. The sound of gunshots and a fist fight that results in the impaling death of one of the combatants in front of two witnesses will not result in an immediate call to 911. In fact the killer and his accomplice will have plenty of time to search the car of the killee before police arrive.

115. A Val Verden soldier who is about to get his arm hacked off will hold his arm out and stand still long enough to allow it to happen.

116. Firing a rocket at a paddy wagon carries no risk of killing the guy you are trying to rescue.

117. Blowing up a paddy wagon will not bring about an immediate full scale manhunt by the police department.

118. A stewardess who is kidnapped by the hero will believe his story and take his side upon seeing him beat up the very mall cops she tried to rat him out to.

119. When you go to assassinate someone, a clever trap is to disguise yourself as garbage men. Chances are high that the very person you are wanting to kill will hear your truck and run to bring the trash to you. Alternatively, the chances are zero of the neighbors hearing the truck and also running to you.

120. If you happen to fall victim to the old garbage-truck-assassination trick, it doesn't matter that you were once part of an elite special forces unit. You will do nothing to escape the guys who are about to shoot you even though their slow movements have given you plenty of time to do so.

121. If you are a former member of an elite special forces unit who is working as a car salesman, you will make sure to put yourself in the way of the car trying to run you over even though you were to the side of the car when it sped away through the plate glass window.

http://www.youtube.com/user/patbuddha

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

Damn your post makes me want to watch Commando again!

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

Great job, you get it with respect to these "what I learned" things. Most people don't, and will say stuff like "Matrixx heard the bad guys in the bushes!", ignoring that the intent is to show the ridiculousness of what is seen on the screen when adapted to real life.

I disagree with your number 113. All I got out of it was that she…

admired Matrix and was relieved for his daughter to be brought back.




Country + RAP = CRAP

Country + ROCK = CROCK

Re: 100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

He rips the seat out of Rae dawn Chong's Sunbeam tiger convertible not sully's Porsche.

49 - - -No, it was an 11-hour flight, The Rooster




Country + RAP = CRAP

Country + ROCK = CROCK

100 things Iu00b4ve learned from Commando

122. It would have been better if it had a scene of Rae Dawn Chong in a Speedo, or better yet nothing at all.

123. Arius' army make Storm Troopers look like expert marksman.

124. Cindy is going to be a no call, no show for her next shift at work.

125. The novelty of Arnold's recitation of puns begins to wear off with the second pun of the movie. "He's dead tired." "I had to let him go." "Blow off some steam". Oh, I get it. Ha! Ha! Ha!
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