Tales from the Crypt : Funny / Amusing Lines

I was wondering what are some lines others found funny, or amusing in TFTC. Can be from the CK, or characters in the tales.

Some of mine

Slight Case of Murder

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Sharon "Call an ambulance.."
Mrs. Trask (reads her notes)"It doesn't say anything on here about calling for an ambulance."

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Dead Right

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Charlie "Come on Kathy baby. How long ya gonna keep me waiting?"
Kathy "Start without me.."

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Last Respects

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Mr. Curd "My condolences Mrs. Finger. But as I mentioned earlier, I do have a dinner engagement."
Yvonne "Mr. Curd, I don't care if you're having dinner with the queen in your underwear! If you don't take your hands off my now, I will introduce all 33 of these snakes up your large and unflattering ass!"

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Carrion Death

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Digs "Women.can't live with 'emCan't fit more than 1 in a trunk at the same time."

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Digs "They called me a sick, perverted, Sadist. That's BS. I didn't mutilate a single one of those girls until after they were already dead."

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If you're gonna pretend to cut her hair, at least put some scissors in your hand!

Also from A Slight Case of Murder, Sharon says about the dimwitted neighbor guy, "I wouldn't sleep with that moron if he had the last erection in the universe."

The show was very funny and comical, which made it very entertaining.


"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."-Orson Welles

I'm Lou Paloma. Blow me.


And so Governor Devlin, because even the cost of freedom can be too high, I REFUSE your pardon!

My fave line

"Unicorn, mermaid, vampire,sorceress! No name you'd give her would surprise me i love whom i love"

Young Guns!?

A favorite of mine from the CK. It was corny but funny to me.

Where he's a chef this time and cooking.

Hello kiddies. "Just a moment, while I finish up with the artichokes." (while choking him) "Come on Artie, die already!"

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If you're gonna pretend to cut her hair, at least put some scissors in your hand!

Joe Pesci in Split Personality when he sees the twins house "What the f-ck is this piece of sh-t?" makes me laugh every time I rewatch it

"I'm just a happy camper! Rockin' and a-rollin'!" - Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

Also, mike_the_bloody, when he says "Etchison Dobbs Blair. What a goofy-looking f-ck he was" or something like that. Ha ha ha. Pesci was gold in his episode.


"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."-Orson Welles